The Cadence Goes On...

'Shiva'

2012-01-29T14:13:00.000-08:00

I just read this last night in a book of poems by Sri Aurobindo.

Shiva
A sonnet by Sri Aurobindo

On the white summit of eternity
A single Soul of bare infinities,
Guarded he keeps by a fire-screen of peace
His mystic loneliness of nude ecstasy.
But, touched by an immense delight to be,
He looks across unending depths and sees
Musing amid the inconscient silences
The Mighty Mother's dumb felicity.

Half now awake she rises to his glance;
Then, moved to circling by her heart-beats' will,
The rhythmic worlds describe that passion-dance.
Life springs in her and Mind is born; her face
She lifts to Him who is Herself, until
The Spirit leaps into the Spirit's embrace.

'I am an emotional creature'

2012-01-27T23:58:00.000-08:00

I am an emotional creature
-by Eve Ensler

I love being a girl.
I can feel what you're feeling
as you're feeling it inside
the feeling
before.

I am an emotional creature.
Things do not come to me
as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.
They pulse through my organs and legs
and burn up my ears.
I know when your girlfriend's really pissed off
even though she appears to give you what
you want.
I know when a storm is coming.
I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.
I can tell you he won't call back.
It's a vibe I share.
I am an emotional creature.
I love that I do not take things lightly.
Everything is intense to me.
The way I walk in the street.
The way my mother wakes me up.
The way I hear bad news.
The way it's unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.
I am connected to everything and everyone.
I was born like that.
Don't you dare say all negative that it's a
teenage thing
or it's only only because I'm a girl.
These feelings make me better.
They make me ready.
They make me present.
They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.
There is a particular way of knowing.
It's like the older women somehow forgot.
I rejoice that it's still in my body.

I know when the coconut's about to fall.
I know that we've pushed the earth too far.
I know my father isn't coming back.
That no one's prepared for the fire.

I know that lipstick means
more than show.
I know that boys feel super-insecure
and so-called terrorists are made, not born.
I know that one kiss can take
away all my decision-making ability
and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.
It's a girl thing.
What we would all be
if the big door inside us flew open.
Don't tell me not to cry.
To calm it down
Not to be so extreme
To be reasonable.

I am an emotional creature.
It's how the earth got made.
How the wind continues to pollinate.
You don't tell the Atlantic ocean
to behave.

I am an emotional creature.
Why would you want to shut me down
or turn me off?
I am your remaining memory.
I am connecting you to your source.
Nothing's been diluted.
Nothing's leaked out.
I can take you back.
I love that I can feel the inside
of the feelings in you,
even if it stops my life
even if it hurts too much
or takes me off track
even if it breaks my heart.
It makes me responsible.

I am an emotional
I am an emotional, devotional,
incandotional, creature.
And I love, hear me,
love love love
being a girl.

Turbulence

2012-01-15T12:05:00.000-08:00

Referring to my earlier post about my first gallery show, this is the second pair I present. It represents turbulence in fire and turbulence in water. The first one is an earlier painting of mine, done many months back which I've blogged too, before. The second one is from a picture I took in my last trip to India, though it was used just as a guide. The boy in the picture was not as mucular and was much younger, also the water was far from turbulent, since he was diving into a little pond in the middle of a village. Anyhow, this is my turbulent adaptation of it. :)

'Desert Dust' 9"x12" Acrylic on Canvas

'The Dive' 9"x12" Acrylic on Canvas

2011

2012-01-01T10:31:00.000-08:00

Two Thousand Eleven-
Blood, sweat n tears; Head n heart heavy.
It has passed us now.

Raising a toast...

2011-11-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

to aspirations!

I have been getting here every now and then, saying a sentence or two super-excitedly and then disappearing. But tonight I just found a few minutes to blog some updates.

About 3 months back I started planning to have an art show since I've never had a formal art opening. In my search, I ended up finding a pretty cool place near where I work (http://antgallery.org/). I had my work displayed there in the month of October! It was fun and the show was successful, with one piece getting sold at the end. I was really happy that my parents could attend the event before they were heading back to India.

More than anything, it was a confidence boost for me, and brought me to this place where I no longer feel my face flush when I'm referred to as an "artist". Yeah, strange how your social role makes a difference to your identity.

Here's the text from my gallery opening invite about the show:

I have always been fascinated by colour and the way colour seems inextricable from the soul of an object in general, and also importantly, from a piece of art. But equally intriguing is black and white (grayscale), which brings about a certain stillness even in images that show fluidity and movement. Indeed, I think it's an interesting exercise to work on depicting both movement and stillness with both black and white and colour. While black and white has been explored heavily in photography, it hasn't quite been associated with painting.

My journey of exploring this in painting has resulted in a series of pairs of black and white and colour paintings, a collection of works of photo-realism and abstracts.

In this and the next few posts I will share pictures of the paintings, a pair of colour and black and white paintings in each post.

The gallery I was at is an all artist-run non-profit. It's a pretty cool place, and is completely non-juried. So in a sense it's no "accomplishment" since anyone can put anything up, but I enjoyed the process nonetheless, and consider it as a springboard into a world of more such opportunities.

As for other goings-on, I am working on my last course towards my degree in Computational Linguistics! Can't wait to graduate!

Here's the first pair of paintings-

'The Buddha' 9"x 12" Acrylic on Canvas

'Aum' 9"x12" Acrylic on Canvas

(This is the Balinese symbol for Aum)

Grace

2011-11-19T23:06:00.000-08:00

"... there are two ways through life- the way of nature, and the way of grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow. Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things. ...No one who loves the way of grace ever comes to a bad end.
I will be true to you. Whatever comes."
-The Tree of Life

Mouth Wide Shut

2011-11-13T21:43:00.000-08:00

'Mouth Wide Shut'

18" x 24" Oil and Acrylic on Canvas

Parenting

2011-11-09T13:44:00.000-08:00

Just another random thought- I am of the opinion that the experience of parenting is incomplete unless it leads to a more holistic love and understanding...

Craziness!

2011-11-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

If I count the number of things going on all at the same time, I wonder how it's all happening, but it is...! It can't be the insignificant me, gotta be something else "carrying it out"!

No historic accomplishments to report, but still, a tremendous time for me, personally!

I'll report back.

Interconnections

2011-10-11T23:15:00.000-07:00

'Interconnections' : 15" x 20" Acrylic on Canvas

Flowers

2011-10-11T23:05:00.000-07:00

Again, I painted this long back, like the other ones I am posting tonight. It's kinda hard to get a nice looking picture of this since it's so long (1' x 4'). But it makes for a nice decorative piece on a long wall. This picture would give you a better idea of how it looks when hung. This was inspired by this Ikea quilt and partly by this painting of my friend's. :)

'Flowers' : 12" x 48"

Acrylic on Canvas

Hummingbird

2011-10-11T22:40:00.000-07:00

For my birthday last month my husband bought me a wine + painting class. It was fun! He came and painted with me too! We did this hummingbird picture. (This is my painting :-) ). Not necessarily perfect, but this is what I got done during the session and I just let it be. Liked the funkiness. The bird's flying so fast it just sees this blurb of purple/yellow.

'Hummingbird' : 15" x 16" Acrylic on Canvas

Saraswati : Touched up

2011-10-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

A touch-up of my old Saraswati piece to honour the sentiments of some people who had a strong reaction to it. :)

'Saraswati' : 24" x 30" Acrylic on Canvas

Ship

2011-10-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

Excuse the mediocre quality of the image, it's a phone picture.

'Ship' : 15" x 16" Acrylic on Canvas

Untitled

2011-09-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

I feel like I need to draw energy from an external source... how are all the pieces going to fit together over the next few months is a BIG questionmark. Work, school, physical therapy, kid still getting adjusted to daycare, a very busy husband, and parents leaving... God! I hope you exist and are kind!

'Yes' for 'No'

2011-09-06T15:48:00.001-07:00

Don't say 'yes' when you want to say 'no'. It's betrayal.

Enragedly yours...

What's going on...?

2011-08-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

Debt crisis in the U.S and uprising in India against corruption. Things are really getting interesting. It seems to me that all that flocked from India to the U.S will soon want to flock back from the U.S to India. I myself, for one, am starting to feel insecure staying in a country whose government is unable to pay its bills. Looks like the current trend is eastward.

I feel bad though, that people like us just hop around based on circumstances and opportunities, but are not directly and seriously involved in building any place. When things were not ideal we were ready to leave our homes and fly miles away. When things are great back home, we will shamelessly fly back. At some level, I feel guilt just in entertaining the thought of moving back but not being part of the ongoing Satyagraha.

It seems like the modern idea of global citizenship brings with it a misplaced sense of having the right to relinquish responsibility towards all societies on the globe.

Hmmm...

Joys

2011-08-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

Two recent discoveries that are great sources of unqualified joy to me are

Sitting on a swing and going really high and looking up at the sky and the trees. Such a common childhood activity, but an experience slowly and thoroughly forgotten over the years.

Lying down and flying a kite. You can stand or walk or run when you fly a kite and it's all fun. But just try lying down and flying a kite. All of a sudden you're disengaged from everything but the sky and the kite. It's magically soothing. Reminds me of the initial few seconds of free fall when you sky-dive. Suddenly time and everything ceases, and you're blanketed in an overarching peace.

Acceptance

2011-07-18T16:35:00.000-07:00

As I pull myself along through time, lately, I realize that the one thing I am struggling with is "acceptance". You can very well say that that is my word for the current phase of my life. Life can be so ridiculous that it can be maddening to ask the question "Why?". Shit happens. People just go, poof...

I am not ready yet to give up in my quest for understanding shit, but I think a necessary first step is acceptance of the situation, acceptance of oneself, and acceptance of both the irreversability of the past and the uncertainty of the future...

Self

2011-06-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

At a dinner party we hosted this Saturday, the topic came up about knowing oneself. It all started with one of the folks saying that one keeps discovering new things about themselves. I was of the opinion that one can never know oneself, and the younger one is the more sure they are about knowing themselves. Someone else opined that the self itself doesn't have an independent existence, without context. And the person who started the topic shot back saying that there is an invariant part of the Self, to which this person (to my surprise), said "ok, you mean the inner self...". I thought all along that his stand was that there was no "inner self"... anyway, it got me thinking... what is "inner self"? How is it different from the Self in general? People undergo many transformations, sometimes they are even fundamental... so what is the Self? It seems to me that the only strand connecting me to my way-back past, is memory and context (people I knew then whom I still know, and the relationships we share)... other than that, I find it hard to connect with, for e.g., my school girl self. Quite often I even find it uncomfortable, in a way that is hard to explain. Makes me wonder about people who always want to be connected with everyone from the past... Anyway, I put it down here... I really don't know who 'I' is (yes, I am talking about who 'I' is, not who 'I' am), and what in 'me' since 'my' birth, has been constant, in terms of attributes, qualities, characteristics and such...

My sense about all this, and also about other hard metaphysical questions is that people very often jump onto one boat or another, in terms of schools of thinking/belief- this is largely driven by their circumstances, and this takes us back to context, at any given time- and then they find arguments to support its rationality. It seems like the most rational thing to do is to first go through the painful process of open reflection and consideration of various possibilities... But who is to say it will be fruitful?

Anyway, that said, what exactly is that process? How does one conduct it? Objective analysis is beyond optimism and pessimism, but without optimism, conducting the process of inquiry is even harder, from a psychological perspective.

Another problem is that most conversations end up with the primary focus on what people believe in. To the contrary, this is less important. What is more important is what the truth is...

I Pray...

2011-06-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

That when I am old and wrinkled, I have gained the wealth of a myriad experiences, but not lost any of the awe for it all...

Having it all...

2011-04-27T16:22:00.000-07:00

I've realized that through out my life so far one thing I've unconsciously run away from is living by the premise that "you can't have it all". And I've been living by the opposite premise- you can have it all, and you deserve to have it all. It's an enormous burden, if you want to view it that way, but then it does keep you pumped up!

An Experiment: Painting

2011-03-04T23:44:00.000-08:00

An experiment with trying to evolve a technique to get interesting textures...

Untitled, 9" x 12" Acrylic and Charcoal on Canvas

Juice

2011-03-04T16:42:00.000-08:00

I have always been an optimizer, at least in spirit. I don't know how good I am practically, but at least in spirit, I am a big optimizer. I believe in keeping investments into anything, be it material stuff or effort or time or anything, to the minimum, and getting the most out of each of them. I view this as an extension to, and a bigger and broader sense of minimalism.

To explain what I mean, here's an e.g.: I made a one-time investment in my exercise machine and got as much as I could from it at various times. I have spent very little on other fitness stuff, for e.g., I have hardly ever signed up for a gym class, got a personal trainer, spent on a lot of exercise gear, etc.. I hate to spend on something if I know I can focus my will and do it with a lot lesser "input" to the system. I think in the process I have even been quite hard on myself, but think it's worthwhile...

Likewise, I still have clothes from 10 years back because they aren't worn out enough for me to get rid of them. I don't make investments into starting a new hobby until I have proven to myself that I have got enough juice out of what I have so far been working on... and so on. Guess you get my point.

However, lately I have been feeling frustrated. I feel like I am not getting enough juice out of life, out of time, material stuff, energy, will, or anything.

Imagine if we are the best people we can be, put in the most work we can in the least amount of time possible, make the most money we can ever make with our skills, used the least money we can to be as comfortable as we can be, kept the least clutter at home that we need to live an easy daily life, gave the most we could give to friends, family and to society and be the happiest we could ever be?

Really, I am dissatisfied with the juice I get out of life... Time to do something!

I might have just discovered a secret- to kick off the process and jerk off that inertia, you do have to invest a little more than you would in the normal course of things... I am going to put that to test. May be I will sign up for a class. May be I will invest a long stretch of time to plan a process to sell/get rid of stuff at home that we don't need. I am going to try to give myself the luxury of a longer time, spending a little extra money etc. to kick off the process. Otherwise it seems like the optimizer intervenes and makes it harder to shake off the inertia...

Technology

2011-03-02T14:14:00.000-08:00

I love what tech empowerment has done to human awareness (through a transitive chain starting from just pure information, of course). Amazing, this wave of revolution starting from the near East, and expected, by some experts in sociology and human rights, to spread as far as East Asia...!

The Metaphor

2011-02-27T17:48:00.000-08:00

The world of expression, regardless of the language, would be too poor, and too trite without the metaphor. We rely on metaphor to convey intensity and add weight to our message to just the degree we desire. We rely on metaphor to add subtlety, beauty and grandeur to our expressions.

A lot of art relies on metaphor. Especially interesting is art that is open to interpretation, because every person exposed to the art, essentially creates his/her own metaphor. In this way, art not only has genesis in metaphor, but also inspires metaphor. If you think about it, it's pretty remarkable.

A related subject is the experience of art itself. We all experience the same art in different ways, both in the sensory and the intellectual terms.

What I have to share here is quite profound. Pete Eckert is a blind photographer. That's right, a blind photographer. Like Beethoven, he lost the primary sense that he needed for his creative work, but could not stop doing what he did. There is, however, a huge difference. Beethoven would have definitely experienced his compositions from his years of deafness, in his mind. He would have heard the tunes in his mind, though he could never actually "hear" them performed. Eckert's work, on the other hand, actually transforms a form of experience (acoustic) into a different form (visual).

Check out his work here:

http://www.peteeckert.com/photos.php

I think it has a unique quality to it.

Really left me feeling that everything around is just photons, and we perceive "forms" just by Maya.

The Contest

2011-02-24T21:27:00.000-08:00

LOL! The travelogue contest is over. I didn't check my email properly. I didn't win, but this post got the most (133) votes. Hmmm...

:-)

My Experiment: Technology/Social Media

2011-02-23T16:56:00.000-08:00

Earlier this month, I undertook an experiment. It involved:
a. Not signing into Facebook
b. Not using my smartphone as a smartphone, i.e., using it simply as a barebones phone
for a few weeks.

Motivation

I have wondered about the impact of social media and the whole technology around interconnectedness quite a bit, specifically on the mental and the sociological aspects. My experiment was particularly focussed on these aspects, but I was also open to analyzing anything else that seemed compelling.

With the constant interconnectedness, one has to wonder how our attention span and memory is affected. Attention span because, in this e-age (yes I made up that word), our attention constantly shifts from thing to thing. We volunteer ourselves into being bombarded with information, whether or not it has any value. The tweet-a-minute mantra as I like to refer to it, brings us a constant flow of chatter. Sometimes you need to tune out of chatter. My goal was that and to assess the impact of the chatter on attention span; let me be specific: on my attention span. This is something that is bound to vary from person to person. And I also said memory, because from a purely machine perspective, our brains have got to have a finite storage capacity. If the fraction of it we use on social media and storing inconsequential day-to-day activities of people is too large, that necessarily and obviously means there is lesser space left for other (possibly more important) stuff. Unfortunately, this is a more long term type thing, so my experiment could not (and I didn't expect it to) point towards any reasonable conclusions on this.

The other motivation came from some thoughts revolving around my conversations with my husband, who has an FB account, god knows why, cause he hardly ever signs in. :) Our conversations started getting funny with me asking him "Did you see my FB update?" and "I have already shared this on FB, do you really want me to repeat it?" He used to say that he wants to define his terms with FB, use it the way and to the extent that he wanted. This motivated me further because I wanted to see what his world without the chatter was like.

With regard to not using the smartphone, it is the same thing that I said earlier- about attention span and the ability to focus. People these days are constantly playing with their phones, be it in meetings, or waiting for a bus or anything. Plus with constant sync with emails and FB, it is like you're on the grid virtually every waking moment of your life. I wanted to get off the grid a bit and see what happened. Of course, I did cold turkey, and said I will use it only as a phone, which means I won't take pictures, won't use maps, won't browse the internet, no games, no nothing.

The Subject, aka me

While I do not have a Twitter account, I do have a Facebook account, and before I proceed, I think I should define the type of user I was. I was generally quite active on Facebook. The reason I own an account is because I do like to be connected with people. I am thankful for the technology revolution that's helping me keep in touch with people that live at different corners of the globe, some friends and some family, like my cousins et al...

As for my activity, while I do not update my status to announce every detail of my daily life, I do share my life's happenings every so often. In particular, I like to share things when:

(a) they are funny

(b) I have something to say with regard to a current event or technology or my work

(c) something significant (to me) happens, like if I read a book I was blown away by or if I sold a painting, or even if I had a breakthrough at work after a few frustrating days.

I do not update my status when I am traveling and I do not 'checkin' at places. I generally like to be completely absorbed in a time/place, especially when I'm out somewhere, and this is just a personal preference.

Other than this, I do post many pictures, when I am back from traveling. I do post pictures of my paintings, and I do post lots of links to stuff like TED talks, etc. whenever I see something that is too compelling to not share.

When I was relatively new and hadn't quite defined my interface with FB yet, I used to play quizzes just to beguile myself, but now that is long gone.

Execution & Experience

I set out with the plan of being off the hook for a month's time. Initially, I debated this with myself. A month? Really? A month, without FB, without my phone camera? But I was serious about my experiment, and in the course of one's lifetime, a month spent experimenting on something was a very short time, and also completely worth it. So I decided on a month.

Who knew about the experiment? Well, I made sure that I was accessible through alternate means to people I am close to (chat/email/phone), but didn't really announce the experiment. But three people knew about it besides me- my husband, my sister and a close friend I happened to be heavily in touch with at that timeframe.

My first 1-2 days were funny. I was worried I'd forget about my experiment! For e.g., whenever I took a break at work I'd sign into Facebook. What if this was kinda like an automatic thing? And definitely the muscle memory is there, and very effective too- alt-tab to switch from Visual Studio to my browser, ctrl-t to open a new tab, type "fa" and facebook is in the dropdown, and then I'm signed in! But luckily this didn't happen. I managed to remind myself. :-)

After spending the initial 1-2 days that way, with the excitement of trying something, I wondered whether I'd start missing it all badly.... But to my surprise, I found that whenever I was gamefully employed, I didn't care at all, but when I was looking for things to do and was blocked on something at work, for instance, it was hard to occupy myself. Now that I had that time to myself, I wondered what a useful way to spend it would be. I ended up writing, reading other blogs, thinking, reading the news etc. And a very surprising thing happened- I started to feel a sudden tranquility. Yes, it's tranquility. Tranquility is different from peace. It is possible to live peacefully in the midst of chatter, but harder to live with tranquility and chatter at the same time (kinda like an oxymoron). Thankfully, it crushed all my anxiety about attention span issues.

I also realized that a lot of times, we use services just because they are there, readily available. May be monetizing them would change things; I mean, I bet it would. What I mean by using them just because they are there is this- there are a lot of people I really care about. But you don't get to know about their most important life-changing events first through Facebook anyway, if they are people close enough to you. To that end, you don't use these services to make sure the people you care about are ok, but rather, to share your life and entertain yourself, to share in others' lives just to be connected, and a lot of times you use it (I'll say it again), just because it is there. Also, what is strange is that these tools fuel people's curiosity about each other. In today's world of instant gratification, there is instant gratification not just for comforts, needs and wants, but also for curiosty.

While the tranquility was almost addictive, in a few days' time I started to wonder whether this would affect my relationships- what if someone posted something really important and I didn't acknowledge it? Would they be mad at me? Would they be hurt? And all those kinda socially sensitive questions worried me a bit, but I told myself that they would eventually get to know about the experiment and then understand...

Luckily, I didn't get any posts on my wall or any messages, or anything else that would notify me by email, or it would have probably been harder. I had decided that if this happened, I would respond immediately only if it was something super important, and otherwise respond after a month's time. The fact that I got no such notifications was something interesting and important to note. I realized that in general, every actor initiates a ripple of activity around them. Remove the actor, and there is no ripple in that actor's space, or very few ripples. Well, I guess if it's really long, people tend to message you/write on your wall. It's happened in the past with Orkut, but this was only a matter of a few days...

I was quite convinced about my conclusions after 11 days, and on the 12th day, I was discussing my findings with my husband and then I decided that it was conclusive enough to stop the experiment, which he agreed with. Now why did I end it in 11 days when there was tranquility and no need to get back on the hook when I had earlier decided on doing it for a month? There were obviously reasons:

1. I seemed to be satisfied with the conclusions I could draw and going on for another two weeks wouldn't really make a difference.

2. I heard about the news of one of my cousins, a young woman, with two young children, passing away and it hurt me very deeply. I spent many nights with disturbed sleep and many days kinda reclusive and sad. This happened around the same time I had heard of other sad news, and all in all, it was a hard phase. After about 3-4 days of that, I couldn't take the silence any longer. I simply had to intervene to lighten myself up. So I decided to sign into Facebook, hoping to distract myself. I realize that some of you are going to find this unconvincing or 'weak', but heck, it was my experiment, and I was quite set on the conclusions. The goal was not to see if I could do it for a month but to see what came out of tuning out.

3. Another reason was what I mentioned above- what if I didn't react to something? I realized that likening the experiment to not having a FB account at all was flawed, because in the latter case your friends would know that you're not on FB.

4. I submitted my travelogue to a contest. It's not as if I was hell bent on winning it or anything (I still don't think I stand a tremendous chance, and won't be greatly disappointed if I don't win), but I really wanted to share it with people, and I thought why not do it during the contest period. That way it might count - I say 'might' because the rules aren't clear. :-) I am generally quite unabashed about the fact that I want to share thought, art, and anything creative. I realize that this can be viewed as hunger for approval, but in my book, the only right thing to do is to share these things, because these are the reason the human spirit lives, and shines. One does not have to imagine that they are Salman Rushdie or Picasso. In fact, it is imperative to understand exactly where one stands, but that should not preclude sharing, I think, because it is a great way to enjoy the experience, and also get better.

Anyway, once I signed in and got back on the grid, I found that indeed there was one post (someone's pictures from an event) that I would have liked to view, and share in the joy of their occassion, but other than this, I realized I hadn't missed anything so great that I'd regret later.

As for my phone, actually the only thing I probably missed was taking pictures. I'd have missed mapping if I'd needed it but the need never arose. As for FB and email sync, I still don't use my phone that often for FB. I found that not looking down at my phone a lot helped my neck (no kidding)! And my email sync is still turned off, except occassionally when I turn it on, on an as-needed basis.

Conclusions

1. And the most important: Tuning out of chatter can have a tremendously tranquilizing effect. It's good when you know where your comfort point is and balance your activity based on that, instead of using tools of technology just because they're there.

2. That said, social media are great to share useful information, creative work, or to market yourself; i.e., your company, your skills, etc. and it is good to make use of them because today they are the most effective medium whenever it comes to reaching out to a broad range of people.

3. Generally, when you unhook an actor from the grid, the ripples around the actor's space wane away. The upshot of this is that once you are accepted as a very infrequent user, there is no social problem with people's expectations about connectedness, and neither do you lose out on something absolutely important in the lives of those close to you. What you lose out on is perhaps some useful information whenever people share something, or fun at times, just because you're absent from conversations. Again, the idea is to balance this based on your comfort point.

4. Staying connected can sometimes lighten you up when you're going through something hard. I'd not risk being a recluse.

Uprise

2011-02-18T13:55:00.000-08:00

Some time in the last few months a realization dawned on me. To be happy, one needs to feel (strongly) entitled to happiness. Although on the face of it it seems truistic, this is a powerful truth.

And today when I see all the unrest and uprise in the parts of the world that have been suffering for many generations (yes, I mean Tunisia, Egypt and the whole Arab world), I feel like they have joined hands with me and I have joined hands with them.

It is quite an uplifting experience to see the inner and the outer worlds converging and expanding horizons through the realization of the same simple, beautiful truth.

Happy...

2011-02-17T12:59:00.000-08:00

For the number of 'likes' and votes for the travelogue... I am so happy that my feelings resonated with so many of you. A writer (in the sense of "someone who writes" :-)) cannot ask for more. I guess nostalgia, home and soul-searching is the kind of a thing that strikes a chord with most of mankind.

And thanks to the many people who shared it out on FB for others to read.

Bum

2011-02-15T15:43:00.000-08:00

Anybody got a cigarette?
Hey there you, or you, or you?

Anybody got some change to spare?
A buck, a quarter, a penny or two?

Anybody got a blanket to lend?
A scarf, a pillow, an old used shoe?

Anybody got a song to sing?
A sleepy, slow and muted tune?

Anybody got free love to give?
A hand to hold under the moon?

Anybody?

Art by accident 3

2011-02-13T21:57:00.000-08:00

Saw this when I looked out of the our living room window.

Happy Valentine's Day!
Nature loves you!
:-)

Life: how weird...

2011-02-10T16:34:00.000-08:00

There is birth, there is living and there is death, yes... but it's weird when you celebrate someone's pregnancy, mourn someone's death, and empathize with yet another who's trying hard to conceive... all at once.

What is this all about, this circle of life...?!

Refugee Soul

2011-02-06T10:20:00.000-08:00

I am a refugee camping in

the sanctuary of your endless love.

I am a refugee spoilt a ton,

Undesirous of the outside, unwilling to leave.

I am a refugee; I have to be one

Lest I become a hostage, and lose my reprieve.

Tat Twam Asi

2011-02-04T23:52:00.000-08:00

As I start to write this story, I can't help but wonder how you, my reader, will receive it. My mind races, envisioning your eyes move from word to word, in anticipation of something interesting coming. I hope I can take you through this journey I have made. I hope I can transport you to a certain place, paint the canvas of your mind's eye with a million and one hues of the places I have been to in this trip. I want to fill your ears with the sound of that land, your nose with the smell of its earth, and I want you to take the next few minutes to travel with me, in this journey where I went not just to a place in space but also a place in time, filled with precious memories, some simple and wonderful, some poignant.

In winter of 2010 I traveled to India. At the risk of painting the picture of just another of the living-abroad-working-abroad-visiting-home-every-two-years genre, I have to tell you that I am an Indian girl who lives in the U.S, studied here and work here, and am married, and have a little baby growing up here...

I went to India to visit my family and spend some quality time back home. Not just that, but there were other reasons that made this visit special. My sister was going to get married. My sister-in-law had had a baby. It was our baby's first trip to India. The reasons were endless... However, I found that these were not the only things that made it memorable. The trip took me back to my past, to my years of having lived on that soil, reminded me of my childhood and adolescence, and also at the same time took me to the future, as I watched and spent time with my parents who had grown to be so different from how they were back in my days in India. For these reasons, it was a trip on so many different levels.

Arrival and week one: Chennai

We (my husband, our baby and I) landed in Chennai on November the 25th, in the wee hour of the morning. We were received by my father in law, who actually danced when he saw his grandson, too excited to be his usual composed self. We got home in the huge taxicab that fit all our enormous luggage effortlessly. Our little baby, sat on his grandfather's lap, looking quite dazed as he was allowed to have the most exciting, loud and bumpy ride without being strapped up in a car seat as usual. When we got home, the little prince was received again with boundless excitement, by his grandmother and his aunt, my sister-in-law. And then out of the room was brought a tiny precious boy, her brand new baby. My husband was a first time uncle, excited and happy, and also eager to share his new-found parenting tips and tricks with his sister.

We were really happy to meet our dear uncle (my husband's uncle) too, after nearly 3 years!

That whole week was spent in quite a bit of excitement. Our son, who was locked up indoors in the U.S because of the bad winter, was now in tropical land, free to run where he liked. He would run out into the compound, quite often past the compound and into the road, run behind a dozen dogs, and pick up as many germs as he could, while thoroughly enjoying every bit of it. When we were back indoors, the meals at home never failed to add that extra dash of spice to our trip. My in-laws are food lovers and each day saw a smorgasbord of variety, North Indian, South Indian, you name it!

In the nights we would sleep under a whirring fan... ah, the soothing sounds of India...

This was awesome for us, having spent the past several months working our asses off, both at work and at home, what with the new baby, the difficult economy, the challenges of parenting, the challenges of balancing parenting with career and other activities, and all that good stuff. This was the best my husband and I could ask for- relax! Though physically I still felt weak as a withered leaf, because of the energy running behind my son all day long demanded, mentally I was in vacation, and chilled out!

Bangalore

After a week (our jet lag had bid us its goodbyes by then), it was time to get on a train to Bangalore, where my parents live. My sister was going to get married and cousins and aunts and friends and uncles were to come home! I was excited! The train ride by Shatabdi Express was uneventful (in a good way), except for the diaper changing bit, given that they don't have diaper changing stations in the restrooms. But rest was fabulous. Good food, clean train, beautiful countryside views.

We got to Bangalore where my super-excited parents were waiting restlessly at the station. Needless to say, the first thing my mom said was that she saw little me in my son. We rode back home, while the teeny brat wrecked all the books and brochures and sketchpads my dad had kept in the car.

The days that followed were filled with awesomeness- sweets and other special food delivered home every day, the ceremony to install the Pandal, the auspicious front door decoration with banana shoots and flowers, for the wedding, relatives pouring in, henna ceremony, and all the fun stuff! Added to this was our trips to downtown Bangalore, some interesting coffee shops, and a lovely arts fair at the Chitra Kala Parishad... super!

And of course, all the fun culminated in a grand, fun, memorable wedding ceremony. My baby sister was married! Hard to believe! The occasion drew together many of us cousins. We met for the first time with our next generations, which was especially interesting. Oh, and how can I forget this, the wedding was in the same venue as our wedding. This made the occasion all the more nostalgia-filled for us.

The days after the wedding will remain imprinted in my mind for a long, long time, if not forever. I was in my parents' home, where I had stayed before leaving for the U.S at a young, eager-for-the-world and impressionable stage of my life. I was filled with awe just witnessing my life... coming back to the room where I used to stay, with my son now! And this was the time when I dug up a goldmine of memories from the past. There they were, in a wooden box I had once used to make a pinhole camera as a physics experiment, back in middle school. The box now contained several old letters from friends and relatives from years, and in some cases, decades back. It was (is) kept behind the mirror in a cupboard in what used to be my room when I lived there. Reading the old letters brought memories back, and with it, a torrent of emotions. I wonder whether time distorts memories. I think it does. However, even though specific incidents are skewed, our overall feelings about people, I think remain unchanged...

In the box were letters from my college friend, precious poems of hers and letters from my pen friend from Greece. These and a few old poems and write-ups of mine brought before my eyes an ancient avatar of myself. It was oddly sweet and unnerving at the same time. There was a thick wad of paper with my autobiographical account of the days I spent in the hospital when I had to undergo a surgery. It was amazing that many incidents back then that had really touched me had been wiped out of my memory without a trace. What was more uncanny was when I read the lines "This is something that has had a profound impact on me. In the years to come, I might think of this as just another incident, or might not even remember it, but I want to document that this was an important incident in my life." Hmm...what an elusive thing memory is...!

A couple of things that tore me to pieces were, a letter from my grandmom who is no more, and a greeting card from my uncle who passed away when I was nine. He had sent that card for my birthday when I was, I think seven or eight. It brought back memories... of the first time I had witnessed death in my life as a child of nine, and the first time when I realized that sometimes the young and the old alike, are helpless... That uncle was in the Merchant Navy. I remembered that I used to collect his coat buttons... I even searched for them but sadly enough, couldn't find them...

All my connections to the past that I had compartmentalized deliberately were now in front of eyes, in my mind, in my hands... I felt my past. I felt my DNA. I was somewhere between my past and my present and my future, my son being a definite reminder of the future... I searched for myself everywhere...

The Upanishads say 'Tat Twam Asi', or 'Thou Art That'. The knowledge of this phrase gave me no solace...

Villages and temples, and the Head-shaving Episode

It was time to leave Bangalore. Our plan was for us to make a trip to some temples and the countryside in South India with my parents and in-laws. Also impending as part of that trip was a pilgrimage to Swami Malai, to do the customary head shave for our son... Now if you are me, you will definitely ask why his head has to be shaved. Considering not just that he had the most beautiful locks, but also that we would get back to the U.S in the thick of winter when hair would help keep him warm, I questioned the need for the tonsure. Moreover, my mind went through a riot, between my search for myself, and the coercion to be part of a tribe, to make a holy journey for the cause of the tribe... What was going on in my life, I thought? Does a new generation necessarily bring with it a need for strong loyalties towards traditions, roots, rituals, cultures?

Anyway, the tonsure did happen...

In this trip we visited the beautiful Brihadeeshwara temple in Tanjore that I had been to years back and wanted to go back to. Needless to say, it was fantastic. The light rain that morning made the smell of the earth unbearably divine and delicious... There is something about the energy in certain places. The place took me back in time a thousand years. I was in the stone inscriptions there. I was in the red mud in the compound. I was atop the magnificent shrine, and I was in the half peeled murals... What is this energy that makes you identify yourself with that which you find sacred?* Something just whispered to me... "Tat Twam Asi"...

We ended the visit to this region with our trip to a village. All I can say about it is: Beautiful! It left me with a longing for more. You can find a man I photographed in the village, in the collage here. That reminds me, he asked me if he will ever get to see his picture. How strange traveling is... you capture snapshots of strangers you meet on the way and they are with you for a long, long time... you will likely never meet them again, but you stole a part of them from their past... I should find a way to reach the photograph to that man, somehow!

Departure

As with every trip, this one had to come to an end too. We went back to Chennai, where we spent a couple more days. We had a little 'Cradle Ceremony' for the new baby once we were back. I throughly enjoyed decorating the little fellow's cradle.

The next day was the 20th of December, and we left for the U.S. I left with a heavy heart... I left, emotionally exhausted, and spiritually alive...

It turns out after all, that the universe had decided on a different purpose for my visit. More than just 'time with family', the trip tied me to my past, made me search for my core, and sometimes I did reach it, but I left India feeling a vague longing... I don't know if I am That, but the only thing I know for sure is that I belong in the hearts of those who love me.

I belong not in tradition, but in passion.

I belong not in coercion, but in love.

I belong not in my tribe, but in humanity.

Here's a picture of a card my mother made for me when I was a little girl (back then I used to tell her, "Ma, let's exchange cards", and I would make her a card and she would make me one).

I leave you with a poem I wrote during the trip...

I Search...

I search... for myself
In the morning dust of my mother land,
In words penned eons back,
In old post cards, letters and exotic stamps...
I search, and search...

I search... for myself
In clothes well-folded and kept away for a long, long time,
In photographs from childhood, adolescence and prime,
In little stone temples, broken and being built...
I search, and search...

I search... for myself
In my baby's eyes, and in his smell,
In my aging parents, and faraway cousins,
In winding streets I once walked on...
I search, and search...

I search... for myself
In once familiar food, and once familiar TV soaps,
In my native tongue, and in Sanskrit scrolls,
In stained memories of the past, and strained visions of the future...
I search, and search...

In old music tapes and in Rupee notes,
In broken brick walls and in 220 volts,
In monsoon rains and in my afternoon tea,
In innocence, independence, pride, and poverty,
I search, and search...

I search, and search...

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* I remember having felt this way at a Buddhist temple in Coorg, at a church in the middle of the bustling NYC and at the Palace of the Doges, Venice, Italy.

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Submitted to the ClearTrip 'Trip with a purpose' Contest. You can find my entry here.

If you liked this post and you have an IndiBlogger or Facebook account, I'd be happy if you voted for it/'liked' it here:
http://www.indiblogger.in/indipost.php?post=47176

Ideas and Time

2011-01-31T11:38:00.001-08:00

I need to find some time and get those elves out!

I have so many ideas that are just waiting to be given life, and my skull will soon explode if I don't find time...

A path of clarity

2011-01-28T22:13:00.000-08:00

'A path of clarity', 15" x 16", Acrylic on Canvas

In my world of chaos, there emerges a path of clarity.

Certain events in the past year made me believe that there are powerful forces at work around us. Sometimes they are dark, but enrich your life nonetheless, because though they haunt you and taunt you, they also make you reach your core and bring about transformations of a large scale.

While I have in the past felt benevolent forces quite a bit, in the last few months, I felt something impish just following me around and challenging me, making things hard. But as one would expect, with time, things started to get better. My mind and my eyes saw more clarity than confusion, and more order than chaos.

I don't think I have seen this complete path of clarity that I portray, yet. But I hope and do think that I will see it...

I made a deliberate decision that this was a path of clarity, and not the path of clarity. I think there could be more than one. This perhaps implies that a certain amount of complexity is unavoidable, but clarity is usually enough to be peaceful.

Me Bella...

2011-01-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

Oops, that wasn't meant to be vain! Thought it just sounded really good. :-)

Bored and restless, this afternoon I took a short walk and bought this hat and ear rings.

Shadow

2011-01-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

You exhaust me.

Thoughts are your play-dough

That you knead and churn

Over and over. The same rubbish thoughts.

Where is the Imagination?

You exhaust me

Not because you think, but because

As you think your limbs move

Up and down, side to side,

And I have to follow you.

Oh no! Correction: I follow you.

But I do not have to follow you.

What if I stop following you right this minute?

Will you then stay in darkness,

Or become one with light?

[ I hate to explain poetry, but was tempted to write up a little bit about this particular one. It is one's shadow (or if you like, more figuratively, the mirror of one's conscience) talking to them. I wrote this not because I felt tired of myself, but because I was imagining what it must be like if one's shadow really had a soul and was tired of being around the person, following them. It also worked out well to interpret the shadow as one's conscience. ]

Goal-orientedness

2011-01-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

I realized (just last night) that in some cases, goal-orientedness is overrated.

I am basically a goal-oriented person. When I love things, I generally love them passionately and when I work on something, I work on it with the focus and strength of a bull, because I set goals for myself to make it fun. Not just fun, I like to see tangible results. Believe me, I am still (inherently) the laziest person you will find, but the goals make me do things, and I generally try my best and find shortcuts at every step. :-) Anyway, getting back from the digression... I work on things a bit obsessively (enjoying it thoroughly though), and also, I am not used to sticking to a fixed schedule. I usually freely choose to do things whenever I like to do them...

However, now with my little boy, the "time for myself" is largely largely reduced, and at a point I found myself getting restless about my goals. I felt as if I was running very hard, only on a treadmill, so that I would exhaust a lot of energy running, but would stay in the same place forever! I said exactly this to my husband last night.

As always, I also got introspective as I was talking to him. I was making a list of things I wanted to do this year. I am not going to share the entire list here, but naturally one of them was to explore a certain theme/aspect in painting. I was complaining about how little time I spend painting lately. Then to assess my statement, I thought about how many paintings I had done since my son's birth. The number was 6. So it's six in roughly a year, which I felt was a good number... and then I wondered what the hell I was complaining about...My husband and my parents have always told me that I am too hard on myself, and I see now that that might be true...

Once you start getting restless, the goals are no longer fun. And why have such strict timelines on life goals? I really think sometimes goal-orientedness is overrated, or perhaps it's the more than necessary aggressiveness about timelines. When it comes to some things, you just need to take it slow and explore and derive fun from that rather than from instant results.

That said, when it comes to certain things, my word for this year is going to be explore, explore, explore, rather than results, results, results. Though I have always enjoyed the "process" even though I have had results in my vision all the time, now I will have to discover a way to enjoy the process either without constant reminders to self about the results, or with coming to terms with the process being slower than earlier. Heck, the kid is the biggest blessing I could've ever asked for.

Why not bask in our blessings, just a little bit...?

(Old) news

2011-01-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

I oughta have been more excited than I was, but I was quite sick for many days... forgot to blog the news that another of my pieces got sold! I had put up a few pieces at a cafe close to work sometime in September. They actually hung on there for a while since I got busy and forgot to collect them back.

In December, I was back from my long trip back home and had exciting voicemails and email when I got back, from interested buyers. And this piece got sold!

It's not the money, but the fun of establishing yourself in an art community that's so exciting! :-) It also encourages you to get better... here's hoping that this year brings more happiness, excitement, adventures, art, etc.!

Monkey Mind

2011-01-04T23:19:00.001-08:00

'Monkey Mind', 22" x 30" Acrylic on Canvas

Monkey Mind

Deep in the jungle a monkey plays,
Jumps and hops from place to place.

But just last night he sat still,
And absorbed beauty, grace and will.

That's right, finally, it's started, and I am not going to let it stop, I have started painting again!

For those of you who have been following my blog for a while, you might have seen my monkey painting from before- believe it or not, this is a makeover (yes, yet another) of that... ! (How about that?!!) :-)

Finding my bearings

2010-12-28T11:14:00.000-08:00

I feel a very strong urge to go to a certain place, a beautiful paradise, near the lovely district of Madikeri, in South India. I had passed through this place just once in my life and there was something about the energy there... Now when I am lost and rudderless, I feel like I need to go to that place to find my bearings. And I feel it quite strongly. Very sad I couldn't make it there in my trip to India this time. How long will I have to live with this longing...?

Eat Pray Love

2010-12-26T18:10:00.000-08:00

This is about the book, not the movie, which I don't plan to watch...

I liked the candid style of Liz Gilbert. Also love her wanderlust spirit. I admit that I did find it effusive in parts, but I respect the work for the value the words carry just because they come straight from the heart.

My favorite part was the last, Bali,because of the visual descriptions of the beauty of the place, which brought me immense vicarious pleasure. So Bali to me was a combination of pleasure and mysticism, both of which I like indulging in! However, I thought the last 15 or so chapters were a bit of a drag.

India was hard for me to stomach, perhaps because of how hard spiritual pursuit is. It made me uncomfortable.

On the whole, the book will strike a cord only with those who are at least slightly spiritually inclined. As for me, it arose my for-a-while-dormant spiritual urges. I thank the book (and her) for it.

I search...

2010-12-12T11:57:00.000-08:00

An altered experience...

2010-11-15T16:11:00.000-08:00

It is hard to try to describe the shift that has taken place over the last few months of my life, in my vision, perception and experience of life. It sometimes feels as if I have undergone a bodily as well as metaphysical change, at least in a few dimensions. And it's perhaps more due to the realization of some truths about myself and less due to an actual change in my priorities or values. I am not sure. Anyhow, the realization itself makes for an altered experience of life, the world and everything, if you know what I mean...

One thing I have realized is that, people are the most important thing to me. I don't know if the reason is better stress and failure management or more maturity in some way, or simply a craving for grandeur. But over the last few months I have found myself in extremely difficult situations - times when I have had a terrible day and nothing has gone right. The reason I surprise myself is that, while earlier I'd have felt overcome by disappointment in these situations, which is a perfectly reasonable way to feel, lately I have just moved on really quickly, with my focus shifted away from myself and onto other people. I find that I want to celebrate little things in life, make each day worthwhile and make people around me happy. What I am happy about is that I have found that I am quite naturally able to "create something out of nothing" (l'arte d'arrangiarsi), whether it be cooking up a sumptuous meal with bits and pieces of leftovers in the fridge and the shelves, or making an evening special for somebody (and myself).

Is this because I have lost the ability to badly want something for myself, and so don't get hit hard by stumbling blocks and failures? Is it just escapism by diverting attention to something else? Only time will tell. Anyway, why over-analyze it? It makes me happy and it makes people around me happy. I hope this change is for good.

Fashion

2010-11-09T13:52:00.000-08:00

Though I haven't realized it so far, I am interested in Fashion. Guess it's expected of most people into visual arts. Rather than strictly runway material however, I am more interested in what's practical, comfortable, affordable, and at the same time has aesthetic appeal and makes a statement.

Here are some things I have discovered about my taste for dressing:

1. I mostly go for natural fabrics and materials.
2. In my choice of shirts/tops, I generally gravitate towards solids.
3. I prefer deep colors.
4. I love accessories like hats, scarves, sweaters, throws, boots, purses. Without spending too much, these are a good way to make for an interesting look. Not to brag, but I often get complimented for these. I have lately discovered that my trick is in throwing together different things, and shopping at teeny little interesting stores every now and then- a good way to build a nice collection.
5. This relates to the above- I love fashion that's eclectic.
6. I tend to prefer keeping makeup and jewelery understated. Don't like too much bling, but like to wear just one thing that's eye-catching, like long ornate earrings, or a necklace with a single pendant that makes a punch, or bright beads around my wrist.
7. I don't like wearing watches and brooches.
8. I never go for the pinkish shades in makeup- only earth tones. Well, actually I hardly ever wear makeup, but I mean, on the rare occasion that I do... I like lipsticks though and wear them quite regularly, but again, the nude/brown tones only.
9. I hardly ever wear pink unless it's a bold shade of pink. Never like the pastel shade of it.
10. And lastly: I like doing my hair in different ways. Mostly I only have enough time to get out of shower and run to work, so no blow-drying or ironing. But every now and then I like to blow-dry, and every now and then I like to iron it all straight, but I never tie my hair. :-)

Lately, I have been dressing my eyes a little (never used to before), and I've been wearing leggings quite a bit, though I am mostly in jeans. I have not been wearing necklaces or bracelets/bangles lately, 'cause my son pulls them! :-)

What about you? What's your signature dressing style? :-)

And why care? Well, why care about art? Art begins with you! :-)

RT# 11

2010-11-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

Feeling lost, but strangely free...

RT# 10

2010-10-26T15:59:00.001-07:00

To me-20-years-from-now,

I am working very hard to make you. You better like yourself!

RT# 9

2010-10-04T18:01:00.000-07:00

Actually, I cheated... this is a question, more than a thought. It amuses me, and makes me smile as I think about it- do you tend to like people who like you? haha!

RT# 8

2010-09-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

I feel so inadequate. The restlessness is crazy...

RT# 7

2010-08-23T11:54:00.001-07:00

It is not necessary that if you keep trying to explain a thing in a numerous different ways, the other person is eventually gonna "get" it. Sometimes a person never gets it. When it starts feeling like you're talking "at" the person rather than talking "to" them, that's a sure sign that trying any more is just a waste of time and energy. That's when you need to know that you gotta give up.

RT# 6

2010-08-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

I just got acquainted to Mazurka in A Minor by Chopin. I only heard a few kids' performances and even with that, it took me to a different place... beautiful composition!

RT# 5

2010-08-19T11:21:00.000-07:00

Some mistakes are for life, really, for life... you just have to go on, pretending that they don't exist...

RT# 4

2010-08-17T15:09:00.000-07:00

Interesting people are interesting more because of how they think than because of what they do. Granted the two are related, still...

There may be people who "do" a lot of things, and have had a wide gamut of experiences, but are not necessarily interesting. They may be good conversationists, but may not be "interesting people".

On the other hand, there may be people who are not necessarily into a lot of things, but have interesting world views, which makes them interesting.

RT# 3

2010-08-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

This is a term I coined: "Amorphous Personality" - (n) - a person or personality type with no clear definition; descriptive of a person "characterized" by no highly individualistic traits that persist over time.

Use it to describe anyone that has nothing that will scream "that's him" or "that's her".

RT# 2

2010-08-13T14:58:00.000-07:00

You know the espresso is perfect when the flavor and taste of it is so enough to gratify your senses that you can do without sucrose, baby!

RT# 1

2010-08-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

Since I haven't got the time to blog big posts I decided to blog random thoughts as and when I have them/have time.

Here's a random thought:

"Judge a latte by the latte art"

Life Lessons

2010-07-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

My recent life lessons...

1. It is important to not be afraid of anything.

2. Aim for higher than you can reach. Seriously. It expands your mental boundaries.

3. Everything is transient, life itself is transient, and so, treat it as such. LET GO. Let go of disappointments, complaints, spite.

4. It is very easy to look "through" people in our daily busy lives. Moreover, the corporate culture has instilled in us the belief that meaning business and staying aloof is best, at least in the work environment. I have unlearned this. It is important to remember that there is a "person" in front of you. Always reach out to the person before reaching out to their "role".

5. Invest the time to maintain relationships. They don't just stick around automatically.

6. If someone matters and things got f*cked up, the only right thing to do is to "start over".

7. A big part of letting go is letting go of inhibitions.

8. Invest as much energy and time as you can in people who matter

9. Treat as many things at face value as you can. Good way to keep it simple.

10. Invest in health. It's irreversible.

11. People don't necessarily always go through just one adolescence in their lives. Very big life changes can put you in that place. Just rediscover yourself.

12. No buckets. You don't have to put yourself in any buckets. Be free!

Haiku : In desperation for Summer

2010-05-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

Sunny side up
Sunny side up:
Breakfast in Seattle.

-----------

Driving on highway five
Backdrop of heavy gray-
Is it really a summer day?

Yes!

2010-04-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

Finally a painting!

Last time my mother in law was here she requested me to paint something for her. She wanted the theme to be 'Mother with two children'. So here it is, as requested... :-)

'Mother with two children', 11"x14" Acrylic on Canvas

Dreaming... Spring

2010-01-24T18:56:00.000-08:00

'Dreaming...Spring' 15" x 16" Acrylic on Canvas

Rain on Baked Earth

2009-12-22T17:00:00.000-08:00

I decided to touch up an existing painting some- mainly blend the colors in smoothly...

'Rain on Baked Earth' 24" x 36" Acrylic on Canvas

Desert Dust

2009-12-18T22:46:00.000-08:00

Quick and dirty one, yet again...

'Desert Dust' 9" x 12" Acrylic on Canvas

The baby obliged

2009-10-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

Baby slept for a long time today and gave me some time to do this...(!)

9" x 12" Acrylic & Charcoal on Canvas

I am yet to think of an apt title for this one. :-) Any suggestions?

First Painting Sold!

2009-10-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

Sometime in Sept my husband chanced upon a notice in the Starbucks right opposite my work place when he came to pick me up, that said that they were looking for art to display. I was exhausted and had no enthusiasm to put up my paintings, but he pushed me to do it and helped me. So I ended up putting up five of them there. The store manager asked me to put up prices too, and I just did, not expecting any to sell, especially with the current economy, etc.

A month passed and I received an email from the barrista requesting me to collect my work back since my one month for featuring my work was over. I was going to pick it up, and the very next day, I got another email that someone was interested in buying one of the pieces! It was quite a surprise!

So I ended up selling the Flamenco piece this last Saturday!

Boundless Joy

2009-10-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share the news that my son was born 9/29/2009, making me a first time mom! I am enjoying the challenges and joys of parenting, but will try and blog as and when time permits...

Art by accident 2

2009-09-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

Naughty Smilie Face

Flamenco

2009-08-07T00:49:00.000-07:00

'Flamenco' 9"x12" Acrylic on Canvas

[Quick copy from an image of a painting found in a web search]

Dream and Reality

2009-06-09T22:59:00.001-07:00

'Dream and Reality' 22" x 27" Acrylic on Paperboard

Step beyond reality and into dream?
Or stride into reality through realized dream?

Makeover #4

2009-06-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

The monkey could not be put up anywhere at home. It was way too bright! Made me realize something - even if something has value as an art, for the concept or the technique or even the outcome itself, its appropriateness varies based on context. For e.g., the monkey would've perhaps been a fun, glamorous looking piece under certain lights in a gallery. At home it was just way too audacious. The fact that it's now summer and we get lots of light (well of course, except for yesterday and today :-) ) doesn't help.

So here's the dulled down makeover and I am now able to hang it on wall of our den.

'Me the Monkey' 22" X 30" Acrylic & Charcoal Powder on Canvas

PS: And that leaves just one more painting in my list of need-makeover's. I probably won't get to it for a long time, since it's an oil painting and I want to revisit oils later. So now I am free to do more new ones! :-)

Makeover #3

2009-06-06T00:59:00.000-07:00

This is a makeover of my older work Krishna. I had mentioned in the earlier post that I was not really happy with how the painting had turned out and that the concept was of greater importance :-).

Anyway, I redid it tonight, and now, please do not tell me that it looked better earlier (just kidding :-) , tell me exactly what you think) .

'Krishna' 18" x 24" Acrylic on Canvas

$9.99

2009-05-24T23:29:00.000-07:00

This was an interesting and funny Australian animation movie at SIFF (Seattle International Film Festival) tonight. I don't think movies are replayed, but if you get a chance to watch it, I'd say grab it. A very different movie with multiple shades to it.

Black Like Me

2009-05-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

'Black Like Me' by John Howard Griffin is an intelligent, sensitive autobiographical narration of a Southerner about the prevailing racism in the late fifties-sixties. It is an account of an interesting and daring sociological experiment conducted by the author for a period of seven weeks.
I don't want to give away the most interesting detail by revealing what the experiment was. Good (and quick) read, and I recommend it.

Much Obliged, Jeeves

2009-05-16T00:44:00.001-07:00

I read my first P.G Wodehouse. Many of you may be surprised by that, I mean by the "first" part. Well, I must say I am glad I escaped the experience all these years! Sorry if I'm offending the sentiments of any of those ardent fans of Wodehousean humor, but it's just not my cuppa tea!

The book seemed to have no substance at all, and if I am asked to think of an adjective to describe it, the adjective 'gossipy' pops out immediately.

It's not so much that I entirely lack taste for British humor or such, but it's just this man. He walked all over my nerves through the whole experience. His forgetting words and going into digressions got tiring and annoying even before I reached chapter 2. But I must give myself the credit for having finished the book, which gives me a just license to write this review.

I'd never venture reading a P.G Wodehouse again.

For Mother's Day

2009-05-13T00:18:00.000-07:00

I roughly reproduced a picture from a greeting card I bought in Hawaii a few years back. I had fallen in love with the picture when I bought it.

I started working on this painting on Mother's Day late at night and didn't get enough time to complete it. I finished it tonight, so here -

'Motherhood' - 9" x 12" Acrylic on Canvas

Angst

2009-04-29T23:52:00.000-07:00

Here's another portrait copied free hand from my photography book. I am glad this one took just about 4-5 hours, including the initial outline sketch, the background painting and everything.

Somehow I couldn't get a perfect photograph of it. So I am posting a full version taken from an angle, and then just the portrait zoomed in.

'Angst' - 9" x 12" Acrylic on Canvas

Wrapped up in Om

2009-04-24T18:29:00.000-07:00

Another miniature. Man, this size is so manageable! I love it! Nice and easy break from huge canvases.

'Wrapped up in Om' : 9" x 12" Acrylic on Canvas

Courtesy

Title idea: husband
Image: www.dropsoul.com/portfolio/albums/unique-t-shirts/ganesh-om-symbol.jpg

Peace

2009-04-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

I haven't done any new paintings lately. Worked on this small one last night.

'Peace' : 9" x 12" Acrylic on Canvas

Makeover #2

2009-04-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

01 Human Formation
18" X 24" Acrylic on Canvas

The idea for this painting dates back to I think 2003. :-) I was then in grad school rooming with a coupla students from the Architecture department who were, naturally, artsy. I was not much into art then but really wanted to be. I loved colours! One evening we just sat around the living room and the two of them were painting. Since I couldn't paint then and didn't know what to do, I randomly came up with something like the above on a sheet of paper. It came out of my mockery at how artistically challenged computer scientists were, and the painting was supposed to be a depiction of a human acrobatic formation composed of 0's and 1's (the stick men being made up of circles and lines). That piece of paper, actually a fairly big one, traveled with me when I moved to Baltimore later, and then to the West Coast from there, though it was in tatters and had tape holding it.

Last year I decided to reproduce it on canvas but I did it in the midst of a lot of work and wasn't fully involved. The result was obviously not good. When I looked at it later, it had too many colours, felt gawdy and the idea was lost somewhere in the depth of the numerous colours.

So this is my recent makeover of it. It's intended purely as a fun piece!

Low Power Cloud - towards a greener world?

2009-04-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

An interesting innovation to create a low power consumption cloud using Netbook processors: http://www.technologyreview.com/computing/22504/page1/.

The fact that jumped out to me was that when we're using our machines to check email or whatever else, we never think twice about going to one extra site. What we do not consider is that many sites are so loaded with information that some computer somewhere in a datacenter is definitely expending all the power to pump those KB's of data out to you. Facebook for e.g., has hundreds of applications, each talking to some server somewhere, your home page receives Status updates from friends, photos, videos and what not! Videos especially take up so much bandwidth. Sometimes we are just "browsing" without a second thought. I am not saying we should all not use technology or not be social and be boring green people :-) but this realization is very important, IMO, to be judicious about how much coal we burn up by every act of ours. Certainly it created some awareness in me.

How do we measure what the optimal power consumption per person is? I have no idea! The equations to calculate each of our carbon footprints would be so complex that no easy ones exist. And do I not browse in order to save power and read books instead? How many books do I buy, considering some tree somewhere was cut down to make it? The interrelationships are all complex, but we can always consider whether what we use is reusable and/or renewable. And certainly, we know when we can cut down excessive usage, and as long as we hold those reins on ourselves, it's still pretty darn good!

...

2009-04-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

I've had nothing to say for a while now. I still don't have much to say. This best describes my current state:

What do you do when you have nothing to say but want to post something? Post pictures! So here's another picture that I love. Took it at the Seattle zoo last summer.

Wings of Fire

2009-03-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

Dr A.P.J Abdul Kalam's Wings of Fire is an inspiring and articulate autobiography. The thing that most interested me was the holistic view this man has about science and spirituality. I have never found the two contradictory, and hence immediately resonated with the points of views presented. The book also has words of wisdom about professional life, technology management and good leadership qualities.

I was proud of the extreme passion of the engineers and scientists of ISRO and DRDO, who built the first completely indigenous SLV-3. My heart swelled when I read about how excited India was being one of the few nations with satellite launch capability.

The book was also an eye-opener on the advanced defense technology that India currently has. Kalam's accounts instill confidence that there are leaders in India with vision. I had no idea of the extent to which Ms Gandhi had encouraged and nurtured technology during her tenure as Prime Minister. I also learned about other people in power who had acted with true leadership and vision. R Venkataraman had strongly supported missile research during his stint as Defense Minister, and the whole program turned out to be a huge success with the building of a Surface-to-Surface weapon system and a Tactical Core Vehicle. One could argue that these are in the umbrella of destructive technology, but hopefully a nation of the Buddha and Gandhi will not resort to warfare unless the need arises. The advantage of the entire effort is not just the building of missiles, but the development of technology in general, and the growth of the talent pool in the country, which are important by-products.

Kalam gets into many technical details of aeronautical technology as well as general engineering principles. I was very excited reading about the effort of his team during the early years of his career, to build a completely indigenous hovercraft. Today tons of information is at our fingertips, through the internet, unlike back in the 70's and 80's. Kalam designed the hovercraft mostly based on intuitively seeing the similarities it shared with aircraft design.

I was moved to tears when I got to the part when he is conferred the Padma Bhushan. At that point he was at his element, but nearly everyone dear to him had passed away by then, leaving not many close to him who could share in the happiness.

Here are some snippets from the book I especially liked...

Electrons, just like any individual with a certain amount of energy, detest confinement. The tighter the electrons are held by the nucleus, the higher their atom results in enormous velocities of about 1000 km per second! These high velocities make the atom appear a rigid sphere, just as a fast-moving fan appears like a disc. It is very difficult to compress atoms more strongly- thus giving matter its familiar solid aspect. Everything solid, thus, contains much empty space within and everything stationary contains great movement within. It is as though the great dance of Shiva is being performed on earth during every moment of our existence.

***

I often read Khalil Gibran, and always find his words full of wisdom. "Bread baked without love is a bitter bread that feeds but half a man's hunger," - those who cannot work with their hearts achieve but a hollow, half-hearted success that breeds bitterness all around. If you are a writer who would secretly prefer to be a lawyer or a doctor, your written words will feed but half the hunger of your readers; if you are a teacher who would rather be a businessman, your instructions will meet but half the need for knowledge of your students; if you are a scientist who hates science, your performance will satisfy but half the needs of your mission.

***

Your willingness to use your own inner resources to invest your life, especially your imagination, will bring you success. When you undertake a task from your own uniquely individual standpoint, you will become a person.

***

This story will end with me, for I have no inheritance in the worldly sense. I have acquired nothing, built nothing, possess nothing - no family, sons, daughters.

I am a well in this great land
Looking at its millions of boys and girls
To draw from me
The inexhaustible divinity
And spread His grace everywhere
As does the water drawn from a well.

I do not wish to set myself as an example to others, but I believe that a few souls may draw inspiration and come to believe that ultimate satisfaction which can only be found in the life of the spirit.

Goof-ups and Fix-ups

2009-03-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

Often, even if I am happy with a painting or sketch as soon as I finish it, I start hating it after a while. It can get to the point that I can't stand looking at it, and when it gets there, I sometimes redo it. Now since I have taken a break of sorts from painting for a while, I am thinking of using this hiatus to fix up some of my existing work before taking on something new. I might do some small new ones now and then.

Hariprasad Chaurasia portrait - Charcoal on paper- 18" x 24"

This is a charcoal portrait from years back (retouched last night). It was the first drawing I ever did that was this big. I had only drawn in notebooks until then. I knew nothing about art, and this was a hard piece in two respects: a) translating colour to gray scale - you really need to observe hard to decide whether a certain colour when translated to gray scale would be lighter or darker than another, and how much lighter or how much darker, and b) blowing up the scale - I copied this from a CD cover, so this was a major size blow-up. Since I didn't use any axis or grid techniques, it came out as an approximation. Moreover, the original had more width than length and the surface I was drawing on was the opposite. Due to these completely different aspect ratios and proportions, the face in my portrait has turned out to be skinnier than the original one, making it look sort of more taut, and this makes the subject look younger. So overall, it's a very approximate imitation.

This portrait makes me very nostalgic for my grad school days. I did it right in the middle of my living room, with friends coming and going, a few stared for a while, a few gave critiques, and a few didn't care. And how ridiculous of me to put myself out there like that when it was my first big drawing venture ever! Sometimes I can't understand my actions in retrospect. Anyway, I was pretty happy with the way it turned out after I got done. I didn't see anything wrong with it.

About 2-3 years back I swallowed my reserve and pride and had a friend who's a professional artist comment on some of my work. About this one, he said I should've used some kind of an axis technique for the face. I still couldn't see what was wrong! It was much later that I independently observed how flawed it was! And I was absolutely surprised how my eyes had missed such a flagrant error; basically, the center of the mouth did not align with the axis of symmetry of the face. So I fixed it up some last night. I can still see some flaws, but may be I'll get to them later when I am more motivated. (There is no guarantee that I'll like this one forever, but I am posting it since I am satisfied for now, just like I probably would have posted the earlier super-flawed one at the time I was happy with it. :-) )

I realize I could've shown a 'Before' and an 'After' image for you to judge the make-over, but I'm not inclined to do so since I hate the 'Before' image (now). :-)

You might see more of my earlier work retouched, in the coming posts.

More Book Reviews

2009-03-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

...And why have I been writing all these book reviews instead of spewing out something original? Well, let's just say I am in one of the spongy soaking-in phases, and I have gotten addicted to reading lately. That said, the reviews and observations are original, at least. ;-)

To Kill a Mockingbird : Harper Lee

I had read this book years back and didn't remember much. I picked it up again, and enjoyed it completely.

The story vividly captures a child's view of life in the 1930's in Alabama. Jean Louise narrates her life around the time she was eight and describes the struggle of a black man in the then unjust society filled with racial prejudice. It's a tale about morality, rationality, social norms, justice, parenting and growing up. Reading the book in the current context was especially interesting when I realized that the story was about racism during the Great Depression, and I was reading it in a context when America is going through the next depression, but with a black man for a president. I felt happy for the progress that this country has made down the years. It was like one of those things that make you feel there are at least some things moving along a progressive trajectory.

I also observed a great deal about wise parenting. There was much to learn in that regard. Overall, a very good book and a touching narration of a sad but realistic story.

Siddhartha : Hermann Hesse

I started off having a very lukewarm response to this book when I began reading it. The style is not particularly catchy or flowery, and I thought the author was getting repetitive in the use of some words, every now and then (Of course, the book was originally written in German and translated to English). However I think the book is more about concept than literature. The book is about the spiritual struggle of a Brahmin youth in India. What did I like about the work? More than one concept- for one, I resonate completely with the idea of not being able to gain knowledge and spiritual enlightenment through didactic means. I do hold reverence to the idea of a Guru, but somehow, I have never been able to convince myself that I will know the universal truths by following a certain path or learning a certain doctrine. I believe that one has to find it themselves, and there's not a single path for this; to each his own.

I also liked the idea that it is, in a lot of circumstances, necessary for one to go through different experiences in life. Often, one has to go through material life and familial bonds, pleasure and pain, virtue and sin, because there is no other way to grow wiser than through one's own experiences.

Siddhartha believes in an all-embracing love as the only source of real peace and happiness. I found his argument that if the mountains, the trees, and the river around us are Maya (illusion), then so are we, quite interesting. And he claims that that's all the more reason to resonate with everything around.

The one thing I hadn't thought about was the idea that, when one seeks, one is too passionately chasing a goal, and too lost to observe many a valuable truth that might pass right before their eyes. The message there is to observe and soak in, rather than actively seek, which to me, is a new and interesting philosophy.

Tread burdenless

2009-03-19T23:17:00.000-07:00

A song that sings the lightness of the heart that carries no baggage- Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien, sung by the French pop queen of her time, Edith Piaf. I really like it for what it means.

Translation

No! Absolutely nothing...
No! I regret nothing
Neither the good that I've done nor the bad
All this is much the same to me!

No! Absolutely nothing...
No! I regret nothing...
It is paid, swept away, forgotten
I don't care about the past!

With my souvenirs
I lit a fire
My sorrows, my pleasures
I need them no more!

Swept away the love affairs
With their tremors
Swept away forever
I leave with nothing ...

No! Absolutely nothing...
No! I regret nothing
Neither the good that I've done nor the bad
All this is much the same to me!

No! Absolutely nothing...
No! I regret nothing...
Because my life, because my joy
Today begins with you!

-Source: http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/andrewjarvis/Edith%20Piaf%20-%20Non,%20Je%20Ne%20Regrette%20Rien.html
(Modified last two lines: grammar correction)

Another of Edith Piaf's songs I like is this.

Stirred up memories

2009-03-13T17:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but lately I recollect so many things from my childhood. I hardly have, all these years. I have been having a very "packed" schedule lately, and the nature of my new job is such that I solve problems every day, and problems that completely stretch (stress) my imagination and thinking. May be this is the reason that when I lie in bed exhausted, I think of the innocent days from years back. Here are some snippets.

***
I was four. We used to live in a small top floor house for rent. My sister was not born then. Mom was cooking dinner, and I was downstairs running around on the streets playing, when suddenly this man adorned in layers and layers of white robes, worn in Dhoti style, his forehead bedecked with limestone and vermilion patterns came by, beating a copper gong and begging for change. I was terrified out of my wits seeing him, and ran head over heels (and you should know this - I was a CHUBBY kid). I ran, looking hither and thither, and fell into a ditch. I still have that mark on my right knee. I went up and everything was normal- I got to hear some words of wisdom from my mom, and got my wound cleaned up and all. But the emotions I went through were very strange, and funnily enough I never thought of them consciously until today. When I fell in the ditch, the man looked like he felt very sorry, and his body language, with one arm extended and a foot placed forward said that he wanted to come over and help, but he restrained himself because he scared me. When I looked up at his face, I felt a strange mixture of emotions - I was still afraid, but I also felt sorry for him because he looked sorry, and I saw vulnerability in an adult who scared me! Besides, I felt so ashamed that I had got so scared and reacted the way I did, causing this man to feel guilty. I felt guilty to have made him feel guilty! It's weird. I have never felt that mixture of emotions again in any other circumstance of my life thereafter.

***
When I was four, my mom used to come to bed after working in the kitchen. Part of her saree used to be moist from all the insane amount of washing and cleaning she used to do. I used to love going to sleep with my leg on the moist saree!
(Opposite of what I am now - I can't tolerate cold and am sensitive to temperature changes in the order of a few degrees even!)

***
I was five. I asked my mom "What's the last number?" She said there was no last number! She said you could add one to any number and you'd have a number that was one bigger. My first glimpse into infinity, and I was intrigued. Didn't understand it at all!

***
I was still five. I wondered why we had only 10 digits (numbers), and repeated them to get bigger numbers. But never asked anyone this question. Years later it was answered anyway, the decimal system was after all just a convention (perhaps because of the ten digits in our hands that we used for counting in the early days), and I was introduced to the binary system. :-)

***
I was six. I used to do well in class. I was in first grade, and my teacher, Ms Lalita loved me. She gave me a blue nylon rose with a safety pin in it, which I could wear on my dress. I don't know where that rose went. :-(

***
I was six, and every evening when my Hindi teacher used to pass by our house to go home, I'd have just gotten back from school and gotten rid of the burden of carrying those stupid uniform clothes on. Every time I'd see her through the window, I'd run out, in my inner slip I used to wear, before I could even put on fresh clothes. Sometimes she'd have walked a whole block before I could get to the gate outside our house, and I'd run barefoot, without "proper" clothes on. I'd run just to say "hi" and come back running! How inane is that?! Once she told me, very nicely, very sweetly (she was a really sweet lady), "Once I cross that part of the road there", [pointing] "don't come running, OK, kid?" And I felt a great sense of rejection! Haha!

***
I was six and a half and my sister was born. I went crazy over the baby. I used to take her out and make her sit on my lap and watch the sun go down every evening.

***
I was seven. I had begged my mom for "sketch pens" (as we used to call them then- they were like markers you could use on paper), for a year then. She was against kids using those. For one, the ink got to the other side of the page, and often on the next page in the book, and sometimes, even to the next two or three, depending on how capable the kid using them was. For another, kids used to take the refills out and paint with them and mess up their hands and clothes. And once the refills dried, they'd stick 'em in water and reuse, making an even holier mess! She asked me to stick to colour pencils and crayons. But I had to have sketch pens! Every kid in the world (at least my world) had them. Then one day, she was bringing me back home from school and she said she had a surprise for me. I was dying of curiosity and asked her if she had got me sketch pens. And she said "I am not telling you anything. You can come home and see for yourself". When I went home, I leaped in joy seeing that she had bought a cheap black and white TV second hand from an uncle, but I was still a little disappointed that I didn't have my sketch pens. Then she went to the cupboard and got out a brand new sketch pen set! Thus started my life of black and white confetti'd scenes with colours on the side! :-) And umm... let's just say I strictly followed all the invented conventions of using the sketch pens. :-)

***
I was eight. For the first time in my life, music moved me to tears. I felt odd and embarrassed, and didn't know what was going on. I just felt like I'd peeped into some reality outside of the world around me.

***
I was eight, and my favorite uncle died. Another uncle of mine had passed away when I was three, and apparently I took it badly, but I don't remember any of that. I don't remember him. I am told that after it happened and the funeral was over in my mom's hometown, we came back to Bangalore and my mom got me a cake that evening to cheer me up. And I flung it at her and asked her to tell me where my Mama (maternal uncle) was. Anyway, this uncle whom I lost when I was eight was very dear to me. It was my first experience of seeing death, a dead person and the wailing and all that. I yelled and yelled trying to will him to wake up, stupidly trying to hypnotize myself that a miracle would happen because of how much I loved him, but he never got up. And for the first time, I learnt that there are situations when we,the older and the younger alike, are completely powerless. I also knew what it was like when the world had one lesser person who loved you. He was in the Merchant Navy. I used to collect his old coat buttons. They were solid and golden coloured. Where are they now? :-(

***
When I was nine, the Satan got into me. I quarrelled with my mom, did horribly in my studies and tortured my sister. :-) That sums up everything that followed (up to my teens anyway) :-)

Easy vs Hard, Boring vs Interesting

2009-03-05T21:10:00.000-08:00

Often I seem to choose the harder path over the easier path if it's substantially more interesting. I have a propensity to leave my comfort zone when I am too bored. I can't stand being bored. This is sinking in only lately...

What about you?

The Bonesetter's Daughter

2009-02-26T00:35:00.000-08:00

Woah! Woah! What can I say? I just finished reading The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan, a little precious bundle of simple, yet brilliantly woven words that go straight to the heart.

Tan's work is not just fiction. It's a magical experience with many layers. The story not only speaks of the softness, the blinding, overpowering love, the strains, the conflicts and the nearness and distance in a mother-daughter relationship, but also speaks of the life of two generations of incredible women, of culture, art, war and revolution. Truly brilliant and touching.

And am I ready for Monday....?

2009-02-22T19:09:00.000-08:00

It was one of the early days of the onset of spring today and too bad, I was sitting at work, working on a release for the coming week. Sigh! Lately I have been crazy busy. Hmmm.. But I don't mind it *that* much, since it's luckily (and touch wood!) not a regular phenomenon. Sometimes we all have to work a little harder than we usually do... But since I am warmed up, I don't mind the Monday coming up. I can stare it in the eye!

Well, so this morning when I woke up I had only one strong wish - that I get to witness something supernatural! I think I'd had this fantastic dream about an angel carrying a girl in this science fiction like device that could fly and float and go under water. Part of me feels like I was that girl, because I felt I went underwater. But part of me thinks I was a witness. Thanks to the books I am reading, my dreams are operating under a completely different set of laws!

When I woke up, I had this intense desire to witness something supernatural - and some questions came to mind- would I rather experience something supernatural or merely witness? I at least for now, choose witnessing. I have never chosen not knowing or experiencing over knowing or experiencing, just because of my degree of curiosity. But now, my reasoning is that, when you witness, you can still stay in complete awe at the end of the witnessing. Whereas, if you experience it, at the end of it, is there as much awe of the unknown? It led me to this thought that perhaps most awe arises out of not knowing something fully. That said, if there existed somebody who was truly all-knowing, would they still have any awe and wonder left in them, and would this even be fair on them? Is this why we humans are designed to be finite in a number of ways? So we can always preserve our feeling of awe and wonder? Are we fortunate for this....?

The fact that I have a parallel track of awesomeness conjured up makes Monday seem even more tolerable at this point... :-)

Announcing...

2009-02-13T19:57:00.000-08:00

Blog Awards! :-)
Neeraja gave me this award on her blog, yay!

I'd like to pass it back on to Neeraja. She has a novel idea for her blog. Every post discusses a philosophical puzzle from the book, The Pig that Wants to be Eaten, that she's reading. My favorite one is Beam me up. Her blog is one of the most interesting I have come across and serves a lot of food for the brain. Please keep it going, Neeraja.

The others I'd like to pass on this award to are these enthusiastic regular bloggers:
Sindhuja Bhakthavatsalam, sis dearest, whose music I really enjoy! :-)
Perception, for her sense of humor.

The Satanic Verses

2009-02-11T17:52:00.000-08:00

I just finished this book. As always, Rushdie takes you through a fascinating journey of innumerable characters, each with innumerable personas. He takes you down rusty dusty lanes of deep, real facets of human nature- of malice, vengence, anguish and those tricky, complex facets that invariably lack single word descriptions. He takes you to a place where the line between dream and reality is hazy or non existent, making you question why that distinction is even necessary! It's a world of devils, djinns, the Satan, genies, angels and prophets, a world that is agglutinated with the other-world. The story speaks of the innocence of unthinking love, the hope and the hopelessness of blind faith, casting a kaleidoscopic rainbow of the banal and the magical in our very-little-understood lives.

There were parts that I thought were very allegorical and I'd have had a better grasp of them had I known the Quran, but the story of the Prophet Mohammed, which I kind of vaguely know, thanks to my husband who told it, made me appreciate at least a few of those parts.

As always, it's a Rushdie. It ain't an easy read, but wonderful nonetheless. The only thing that gets to me about Rushdie's writing is the convoluted style in certain parts and the places with sentences that you honestly think are never going to end. But I am all for riding in the hot air balloon through the fantastic imagination of this man's brain. Yes, I'd do it again.

"Me the Monkey"

2009-02-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

22" X 30" Acrylic & Charcoal Powder on Canvas

Monkey, inherently restless, now rests contented, untouched by the intoxicating glamor that is life.

Today I had more fun than I'd imagined! I got together with a couple of friends who were interested in painting, but newbies to acrylic painting eager for tips and feedback. So we had an "art party". We got together and painted whatever we each wanted. It was a great afternoon! We could give and get feedback and share ideas. It's hard, firstly, to find people with similar artsy interests, and secondly, to maintain the artistic bonding through exchange of open and honest feedback. I hope we get to do this again, but even if we don't, I'll always cherish that session!

Krishna

2009-01-23T17:27:00.000-08:00

18" x 24" Acrylic on Canvas

I hadn't planned to blog this one. I wasn't particularly happy with the way it turned out but I got some strong positive feedback about it from people, specifically with regard to the concept behind it. My husband expressed that he liked the painting itself too, which in itself is a big thing. (He's my worst critic with respect to painting; were it not for that a. I wouldn't be angry and unsatisfied with myself as often :-) b. I'd strive a lot lesser for perfection when I paint - owe a lot to him, no kidding). The positive feedback, coupled with certain new ideas I was excited to share, prompted me to blog it.

This is intended to be an abstract representation of the Hindu god Krishna. Krishna is a symbol of love, charm and joy and may be seen as the embodiment of that element which helps us "live it up", forgetting momentarily the pain and drudgery in the world. As an avatar of Vishnu, one of the Hindu trinity, he is also the power of sustenance.

There are innumerable mythological stories about Krishna. His childhood with his mother Yashoda, who adopted him and was insane with her love for him are endearing. There are songs and dances based on those stories. As an adult, Krishna assumes a strong, didactic figure and becomes a pillar of support to many around him. The Bhagavad Gita describes the despondence of one such man, crippled by doubt and caught in moral dilemmas. Krishna takes on the role of leading this man, Arjuna, onto the path of Dharma.

The story of Krishna is so multifaceted and complex that when I decided to describe this figure visually, I was much overwhelmed. I asked myself what facet most appealed to me, and what was possible to depict cogently. In reading up a few resources, I also came across an interpretation of Krishna as the Earth itself. Krishna is depicted to be blue-bodied (the word 'Krishna' means dark or blue in Sanskrit), dressed in yellow silk robes. The blue may be interpreted as the oceans and the yellow, as land. As Krishna is believed to be Jagadoddhaarana, the protector of the world, I liked this interpretation. Moreover, my rational mind cannot stop probing how something in human form could have been blue and hence treating Krishna as a concept, rather than as something humanoid was more satisfying to my intellect. Aside from this, Krishna was believed to adorn himself with the feather of a peacock. My painting attempts to combine these two concepts. The fire and radiance around is also intended as the depiction of a cosmic phenomenon, something powerful at work. This piece is also meant to be my bit of tribute to cartography, in a very small way - yeah, I'm crazy about maps!

Krishna had many a lady love. He was the charmer, who played his enchanting flute and mesmerized innumerable damsels. As per popular allegory, this is believed to represent the concept of Jeevatma and Paramatma. The former is us- all we humans. The latter is the single cosmic intelligence that is supposedly the only absolute truth - people call it 'God'. The symbolism of the many love affairs of Krishna is meant, as per popular interpretation, to convey the divine romance between each of us and the absolute truth. This is the spiritual battle every person goes through - the existential battle. The story goes to say that if each of us (Jeevatmas) loved and aspired enough to attain that absolute truth (Paramatma), we will attain that truth, as did many of Krishna's loves, who were united in marriage with him (yes, he was polygamous by the face value interpretation, but as per allegorical interpretation it meant something completely different).

And now on to a bit of heresy. :-) These are some thoughts that just came to my mind recently. Peacocks use their beautiful plumage for courtship. Likewise, is it then possible that Krishna's love affairs were purely human and earthly bonds, and the author of the story of Krishna has perhaps intelligently hidden a hint to the effect, in a symbolic peacock plume- the brilliant peacock plume that the gorgeous male bird uses to attract and mesmerise the female? If Hinduism prescribes exploring the four-fold path of Dharma (righteousness), Artha (material acquisition), Kama (love and desire) and Moksha (salvation), why could Krishna not represent the Kama aspect? Was he the Pied Piper that played his flute and allured many?

I want to remember this day

2009-01-20T10:34:00.000-08:00

I want to remember this day. I am going to make a record of it by writing this post. I want to remember this historic day all my life. Barack Obama is President of the U S A! And I am here, witnessing this day!

It's the day after MLK day (a special MLK day indeed, this time around). What's the day like? It's very very foggy in Seattle today. Not many people at work, not sure why. It seems like just another Tuesday, going by my schedule and task list for the day- doing "work" work for the next 3 hours, and then I am off to UW in the afternoon. But I know today is important! I have missed the live telecast of the swearing in ceremony, but will catch it on tele in the night.

I am not particularly at my high point these days, in general. Nobody around is. Many companies, including mine are laying off and cutting benefits. But I know we'll get through this and hope we do so fast, without having to dwell in the nadir of our spirits too long.

How is Obama going to solve all the crises - the economy in depression, the troops in Iraq and the energy crisis? I am full of nervous excitement. Time to grab those beastly problems by their horns!

PS: And today internet is unbelievably slow, reason being, the Obama crazy heavy traffic this morning - this post is one of those drops in the ocean!

Nothing's enough

2008-12-31T00:21:00.000-08:00

After every project, milestone, success, and end of struggle, we feel fulfilled for a while, and then that search and restlessness is back... what next? Nothing's enough. I do think it's scary to imagine the day when one is completely satisfied, when there is nothing more to want. There'd be nothing to pursue, no vision of paths, no wind that steers. And yet, this restlessness is not that much fun all the time. :-)

Strange... eh?

Tiger

2008-12-26T17:29:00.001-08:00

'Tiger' : 14" X 18" Acrylic on Canvas

Winter's Icy Fingers

2008-12-24T22:44:00.000-08:00

Icicles outside the bedroom window

A couple of books

2008-12-21T21:39:00.000-08:00

I recommend this book, the latest Man Booker Prize winner.

If you're Indian, you'll find it realistic. If you're not Indian you'll find it enlightening. It's entertaining, funny, satirical, sad and true.

I also figured I didn't remember a thing from The Catcher in the Rye, which I read almost 7 years back. So I recently reread it and so thoroughly enjoyed it! I'd been meaning to reread it after an extraordinary play I saw, called Six Degrees of Separation, a couple of years back. The protagonist in the play mentions the book a million times. I empathized with Holden Caulfield. It indeed *is* a world of phoniness and sometimes it makes me very sad. The book itself was written in a slightly different context, in 1951, but the idea is still relevant to the current days. Of course, to complicate things further, in our current cyber age, we not only have a social existence but also a cyber existence, what with social networking websites and all the madness! Really, why do people find the need to constantly live up to a 'Cyber Image'? Oftentimes people meet people online and think they understand each other perfectly - Cyber Ghosts exchanging pieces of their minds at different layers! In all this drama, where is the *real* person? I'm not saying that the Internet is the cause for this or that without it we perfectly understand the *real* people, but the internet is a manifestation of certain human propensities that I'm talking about, and does a good job of nurturing them. It's sad how affected it all looks sometimes- saying something to appear cool or interesting, being the quintesential intellectual whenever a political debate is on, putting a lot of energy into making it clear that your life is perfect, your friends are perfect, your family is perfect and your car is perfect! Some though, are honest and candid people, but do I really want to know every single minute mind numbing event of people's lives in excruciating detail? My guess is No. If you find that harsh, think about this: are people tracking each other to satisfy their curiosities or out of care and concern for each other's well being?

I am not excluding myself from this cyber eco system that I seem to loathe. But I certainly am pondering about it all, although... I am perhaps a part of my object of ridicule.

Dome

2008-12-17T17:37:00.000-08:00

"Dome" - 12" X 9" Acrylic on paper

Domes have always intrigued me. I think the invention of domes was significant in the world of architecture, both in terms of engineering and in terms of art. Being in a dome often has given me some sort of an uplifting experience that's hard to explain. It was only when I read The Agony and the Ecstasy, a biography of Michelangelo recently, that I realized this was not some grandeur that only I had built up in my mind, but rather, a feeling many people have shared consciously or unconsciously, down the millenia, which is why domes are so prevalent in places of worship. That takes me to the question of why South Indian temples have a completely different structure, albeit beautiful too. Hope to comprehend that some day.

Following are excerpts of text about domes, the first from one of my early writings Silence... Beckoning Silence from years back, and the second, from the book I just mentioned. I was quite amazed at reading ideas similar to what I'd written, years after I'd written them.

Excerpt 1

"...I slowly shift my gaze upward. Why a dome? There's light cutting through the skylights on the sides of the dome, and there's air flowing in and out, up and down doing a dance of release; I ask myself “Why a dome?” A dome has a broad base that's a circle. Broad base…makes me think of all encompassing, all embracing. Circle… is that not a polygon with infinite edges? How many facets are there to life, to the world, to quality, to the mind, to the universe? Infinite! And wait…circle…sure enough, is that not what the Greeks thought was a perfect geometric shape? The dome gently sprawls upward – as if to lead anyone at the base higher. Where does it all end? At a single point – the crest of the dome - the seat of consciousness, knowledge, perfection, exhilaration...."

Excerpt 2

"...A dome was not a mere covering; any roof would serve that utilitarian purpose. A dome was a major work of art, the perfect blending of sculpture and architecture in displacing space and adding to the firmament. The perfect dome went from horizon to horizon in man's mind, covering it with grace. It was the most natural of all architectural forms, and the most celestial, for it aspired to recreate the sublime form under which humanity spent the days of its years. ...

He wanted his dome to be mystical, not a protection from heat or rain, thunder or lightning, but of a staggering beauty that would reassure man of His presence... a sentient form which man could not only see and feel but enter..."

I find domes interesting from an engineering perspective also, and marvel about how the first dome was ever built. My first guess was that it was built with staggered bricks kind of like this:
(If cement is used for filling/leveling to make the dome look smooth, as shown, of course we need some way of making the cement underneath the skeleton of the dome stay, perhaps some adhesive substance)

My next guess (and this was all years back), was that the bricks were probably curved too, like this:

Recently I had a most interesting and enlightening discussion with my dad about the architecture of domes, and learnt that staggering bricks, and then levelling out gaps with cement to produce a smooth surface, which was my first guess, has the disadvantage of adding too much weight to the structure, making it less stable and prone to collapsing over itself. He said 'radial bricks' (the curvy ones) are what are used. Depending on the intended shape of the dome, i.e, whether the section is a perfect semi circle, or a parabola etc., the shape, size and angle of curvature of the radial bricks can be varied.

The picture on top is my latest painting, of a dome seen from inside the dome.

I dedicate the painting and this post to my dad, to the world of architecture and the idea of a dome. I found this painting quite challenging, not just because of the level of intricacy it demanded for painting, but even to put the image on paper; i.e., to draw it. I used a picture from an Internet search as a guide. It looked psychedelic and my brain took time to comprehend the geometry in it enough for me to be able to sketch. After some thinking, the idea popped up: when you're viewing the dome, not from the exact center point but off center, in place of concentric circles you see a bunch of circles (also growing in radii) but with the center points shifting radially downward. Once the bulb lit up, it was very natural to produce the spiral (?) / flower like patterns. They just had to sit at the circumference of the circles... another reason architecture fascinates me- demands (and cultivates ?) spatial intelligence.