Though we often speak of personalities and natural tendencies of people, I have come to think that deep change- and by that I mean change at a fundamental level, in how you think and naturally react, is possible.
I was always a passionate person, and that I still am. But passion brings with it intense feelings- both positive and negative. Being very sensitive, many things would shake me deeply. It means being affected by others' worries as if they were my own, but it also means taking people's words and actions to heart. If I felt that I was not "treated right" the hurt would reach way down. And it would be difficult to ignore or forget it for a while.
But something has happened, and it's been a seamless process, I think, which lately, makes all the things that "people do and say" much much less relevant to my happiness or self-image. I still get hurt by some things, but it doesn't reach all the way down any more. I also find that I am not able to hold anything against anybody and don't have much anger inside. And I don't think this has to do with getting older. It's more a realization that conditioning one's happiness and/or self-esteem on another person's behavior is fundamentally damaging, and at best, useless. And the bigger realization is that I want big things for myself. Very big things. Spending any energy that diverts away from what I *really* want makes it unnecessarily hard to be on the path I want to be on. Also, the fact that this life, this precious life will end one day, and I want to have only positivity inside when I leave the world.
I was always a passionate person, and that I still am. But passion brings with it intense feelings- both positive and negative. Being very sensitive, many things would shake me deeply. It means being affected by others' worries as if they were my own, but it also means taking people's words and actions to heart. If I felt that I was not "treated right" the hurt would reach way down. And it would be difficult to ignore or forget it for a while.
But something has happened, and it's been a seamless process, I think, which lately, makes all the things that "people do and say" much much less relevant to my happiness or self-image. I still get hurt by some things, but it doesn't reach all the way down any more. I also find that I am not able to hold anything against anybody and don't have much anger inside. And I don't think this has to do with getting older. It's more a realization that conditioning one's happiness and/or self-esteem on another person's behavior is fundamentally damaging, and at best, useless. And the bigger realization is that I want big things for myself. Very big things. Spending any energy that diverts away from what I *really* want makes it unnecessarily hard to be on the path I want to be on. Also, the fact that this life, this precious life will end one day, and I want to have only positivity inside when I leave the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment