It is hard to try to describe the shift that has taken place over the last few months of my life, in my vision, perception and experience of life. It sometimes feels as if I have undergone a bodily as well as metaphysical change, at least in a few dimensions. And it's perhaps more due to the realization of some truths about myself and less due to an actual change in my priorities or values. I am not sure. Anyhow, the realization itself makes for an altered experience of life, the world and everything, if you know what I mean...
One thing I have realized is that, people are the most important thing to me. I don't know if the reason is better stress and failure management or more maturity in some way, or simply a craving for grandeur. But over the last few months I have found myself in extremely difficult situations - times when I have had a terrible day and nothing has gone right. The reason I surprise myself is that, while earlier I'd have felt overcome by disappointment in these situations, which is a perfectly reasonable way to feel, lately I have just moved on really quickly, with my focus shifted away from myself and onto other people. I find that I want to celebrate little things in life, make each day worthwhile and make people around me happy. What I am happy about is that I have found that I am quite naturally able to "create something out of nothing" (l'arte d'arrangiarsi), whether it be cooking up a sumptuous meal with bits and pieces of leftovers in the fridge and the shelves, or making an evening special for somebody (and myself).
Is this because I have lost the ability to badly want something for myself, and so don't get hit hard by stumbling blocks and failures? Is it just escapism by diverting attention to something else? Only time will tell. Anyway, why over-analyze it? It makes me happy and it makes people around me happy. I hope this change is for good.
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