My son has got me thinking about this for a while now. I believe we humans possess what I have termed the 'herd instinct', to varying degrees. Sometimes our actions are born out of conscious, well-calculated thought processes, and sometimes they are more instinctive. But either way, there is a 'herd instinct' to varying degrees, in each of us. I believe this is the instinct to follow the herd. This leads sometimes to big decisions like taking up corporate jobs, and sometimes to small decisions like having drinks and food in a certain order at a party, to "go with the flow" when you're with a group. It's part of social dynamics. And getting to the obvious critique about it, while the good thing is that we often learn by copying, especially in the early stages of our lives, the disadvantage is that beyond a point it limits individuality, critical thinking and creativity.
I have seen many kids so far, and from various age groups- kids in the family, and friends' kids, in various situations. And the herd instinct comes across pretty quick if you observe a bunch of kids in a party or just playing with each other. Even at a few months of age, babies are like monkeys. They repeat what you say, they imitate your actions. When they are older, they pick up words and behavior from adults around them, and from each other. When they are in a playground or a classroom they compete for the same thing to play with.
The reason I started observing all this at a deeper level than I would have is because our son is different, in a way. He possesses very little "herd instinct". As a baby, no matter what we tried, he was not interested in repeating words and sounds after us. He was not interested in imitating us. He was only interested in self-directed exploration. And being highly independent and free-spirited, while he enjoyed interacting with people, he never really "needed" them to feel secure or even entertained. I notice this in parties and social situations even today. When all the kids in a play gym, say, are waiting their turn to get on a swing, or something else, he really doesn't care. He doesn't instinctively follow a group, stand in line, or even necessarily want the same thing the other kids, at least seemingly, want. At their class show when his entire class performed a dance, he danced for the first 2 -3 seconds, and then stopped and watched all his friends. When I questioned him later about why he didn't dance, he said "I was sleepy".
As a first time parent, sometimes it is a little unnerving. Obviously I want him to live his life on his own terms, and I want him to be a creative individual who is not interested in pleasing people. But I wonder where this will lead. After all the first step to structured learning of anything is the ability to follow direction.
If I think about it objectively, it's not like he is behind in his understanding of the world or learning new things. But there are definitely things that no matter how much anyone tries, he will just not do, because he is not interested.
It's going to be an interesting ride. We'll see how this goes. For now, I have decided to just let him be, unless there is something that gets to the point of being detrimental.
I have seen many kids so far, and from various age groups- kids in the family, and friends' kids, in various situations. And the herd instinct comes across pretty quick if you observe a bunch of kids in a party or just playing with each other. Even at a few months of age, babies are like monkeys. They repeat what you say, they imitate your actions. When they are older, they pick up words and behavior from adults around them, and from each other. When they are in a playground or a classroom they compete for the same thing to play with.
The reason I started observing all this at a deeper level than I would have is because our son is different, in a way. He possesses very little "herd instinct". As a baby, no matter what we tried, he was not interested in repeating words and sounds after us. He was not interested in imitating us. He was only interested in self-directed exploration. And being highly independent and free-spirited, while he enjoyed interacting with people, he never really "needed" them to feel secure or even entertained. I notice this in parties and social situations even today. When all the kids in a play gym, say, are waiting their turn to get on a swing, or something else, he really doesn't care. He doesn't instinctively follow a group, stand in line, or even necessarily want the same thing the other kids, at least seemingly, want. At their class show when his entire class performed a dance, he danced for the first 2 -3 seconds, and then stopped and watched all his friends. When I questioned him later about why he didn't dance, he said "I was sleepy".
As a first time parent, sometimes it is a little unnerving. Obviously I want him to live his life on his own terms, and I want him to be a creative individual who is not interested in pleasing people. But I wonder where this will lead. After all the first step to structured learning of anything is the ability to follow direction.
If I think about it objectively, it's not like he is behind in his understanding of the world or learning new things. But there are definitely things that no matter how much anyone tries, he will just not do, because he is not interested.
It's going to be an interesting ride. We'll see how this goes. For now, I have decided to just let him be, unless there is something that gets to the point of being detrimental.
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