Is it easy for you to define who you are and what group/country/belief system you associate yourself with? I wonder what percentage of people out there are clear on these things. Personally, I find myself to be an amalgam of different elements, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I live outside my country (India), but don't really have a huge problem with calling myself an Indian or associating myself with that country, which some people I know do. A lot of my tastes and interests are Indian. For e.g., I love:
- the sound of the tabla
- the ragas
- the flavour of saffron
- the tropical flowers and fruits - bougainvilleas and jasmine, mangoes and guavas
- the basil leaves in the sweet smelling water flavoured with edible camphor, that you get in Hindu temples
- tender coconut and the guy selling it - the coconut expert
- women selling jasmine garlands in markets
Moreover, it's my birthplace and the place where my parents who are dear to me live. It's the place where I experienced my "first" many things. It'd take some emotional dryness for one not to feel anything special for their home country and I'd feel sad for people who don't, but speaking of the list I mentioned above, am I romanticizing India?
The practical side of India- the pollution, the poverty, the crowd, the unchecked growth of industries and traffic, the disparity between the rich and the poor, the inhibitions in the mindset of the people, the dusty roads with cow dung on sidewalks just outside hip cyber cafes and coffee shops, the communal riots, the corrupt political parties, the reservation system for college admissions, the lechers on the roads, and the masses that stare you down and don't let you dissolve in them - these things scare me.
Philosophically, I have always been more western than Indian. I like the opportunity driven model of the west, the opinionatedness of 4 yr olds who know exactly how they want to have their side of potatoes, and whether or not they want whipped cream on their hot chocolate, and exactly what kind of whipped cream, if any. I like the fact that here you can be geek or hippy or goth or strictly haute couture material or simply weird :-D, and live comfortably with any of those identities! Here lovers can hold hands, piggyback on each other. Here you can play your guitar in downtown right in the heart of the busy urban bustle, or ride your skateboard in the weirdest places. Freedom! I struggled with these things, or the lack there of, during my adolescense. I felt stifled by the general outlook of people around me.
That said, do I have a problem with Indians constantly ranting about everything bad about the Indian mindset and how it's only full of hypocrisy and undercurrents? Yes! I guess I empathize with some things and understand why certain things are the way they are. And do I have a problem with Indians being delusional and blind to the flaws of the Indian society? Yes! In my opinion, it is good to be objective and critical of any society or culture (while you're in analysis mode), even if it's your own.
Speaking of the west, what I dislike, at least with respect to America, is the capitalism that can screw you completely- the fineprints intended as baits, (and often you get caught), the innocent errors that can easily lead to lawsuits, and the general lack of world knowledge among people living here - some of them give me the sense that to them America == The Universe.
Also there are some little things worth cherishing in India, that you won't find here in America. For e.g., it is much easier to borrow a cup of sugar from your neighbour if a bunch of guests suddenly show up and you're out of sugar for tea (on the other hand, (a) it's lot more likely for you to have unannounced guests in India than here :-P, and (b) it's much easier to get pulled into a fight by your neighbour too :-P), or have the grandmother next door babysit your kid for an hour if you have an emergency.
I guess no country or society or culture is perfect, and it is the flaws and faults that make it complex and interesting (the detached 'outsider' perspective), but then if you think about identity, it becomes the question of what country or society or culture you associate yourself most with. And I find this very difficult to answer.
And what about religion? I am not very religious but of all the religions that exist, and when I say 'religion' I mean everything that goes with it - the traditions, culture etc., Hinduism is what I am most familiar with and later in my life, if I find the need to explore a religion and follow it, it would probably be Hinduism, although Buddhism is also a very strong candidate-- for some inexplicable reason I am drawn towards that religion.
Every society changes, evolves, metamorphoses. I guess I belong to a generation that was born at a time of rapid change in India- sociological, political and economic. It's all so complex! If this state of confusion is the current 'modern Indian identity', then this is my identity. What's yours?
8 comments:
Today i was giving directions to Jimmy and we got talking. Jimmy is from China. He is in Redmond for a week of training. Jimmy was saying how proud he was that the Olympics were being held in China. "Infact all Chinese people are proud of it. It is a great honor," he said.
If the Olympics were to be held in India i would feel the same sense of pride. And excitement. If they were held in the US i would feel nothing. Why is that i wonder?
Having lived in 7 cities in two countries and having gotten a good taste of a third country through the journey that's been my life so far, I understand what you're saying...in some sense. I find it really hard to give my identity a classification though. I've made peace with the fact that I'm an amalgam of beliefs from different cultures. At the end of the day I think we're a function of where we've lived combined with how absorbent/observant we are as people and how open to change we are. There are many people who grow up in one place and move to a different country or city but never change. That's not necessarily a bad thing ...just what they feel comfortable with. Since I was a child I've always been introspective and questioned everything...no matter where I lived. I love certain things Indian but I also love certain other things American or even Japanese. Some people like to have one identity that they come back to after experiencing different things. I'm OK with drifting. But that's just me. I still don't know which city I can even call my 'hometown'.
GMan,
I'd be proud of India too. :)
It's coz it's out 'home' country after all!
Galadriel,
Bangalore is clearly my hometown. I also think emotionally in many ways I am attached to India, like if India went to war or something, or like G Man says, if the Olympics were held in India, it would affect me in a speecial way, as opposed to any other country, so there *is* a bond though. Is that the same for you or is India just another country?
2 more things came to mind:
1. I just realized - I think my parents being in Bangalore and living in the same house I once lived in has a big role to play in me still regarding Bangalore as my hometown.
2. I always try to think 'community'. For e.g., I think by doing my part at work, I play a role in the economy, and do my bit in the engineering community. By interacting with artists, buying art from amateur artists, giving/receiving feedback about artwork, and paying for concerts, museums etc, I am doing my bit for the art community. I know that there are people who only think of what *they* want to do in their jobs and complain about their lives, and many people who claim to be passionate about art only think of *their* value for money in buying amateur art or going to a concert or a play. Many people do not think that they 'owe' anything to the community. (It's a question of one's philosophy.) But this is not my perspective.
And when it comes to giving to a community, it raises some moral dilemmas about what community one should rightfully be part of and give to.
For now, the world is one giant community to me. I do what I can in contributing to it, and this may well be the case forever.
On an average, since the time I stopped living with my parents at 19, every few trips 'home' for me have been to a different house and city (during my undergrad years it was a different country even - Japan). Now my parents are retired in Bangalore which is a city I don't know at all. I can barely speak or even understand the local language. The other city we visit on India trips now is Chennai which again I don't know much about - I've only been there for some Summer vacations to visit my grandparents, aunts and uncles. To some extent I feel out of place because suddenly I find that I have to talk to the auto guys or shop keepers in Tamil or manage Kannada and I feel flustered. These are things that my parents did when I was a child visiting these places for vacations so I was abstracted away from the adult life in these cities. However, India is still not just another country for me because I was born there and spent 19 years of my life. There are things that are definitely Indian about me. I cannot live without Bharatanatyam in my life e.g, it has become a very big part of my life. But there are others that aren't, e.g. the individual freedom aspect that you talked about and some others. So I don't know what percentage of my Identity is Indian vs. not. I have very fond memories associated with every city that I have lived in and carry them with me, even if it is Austin here. But no particular place that I associate my identity as a whole with. I don't feel any more socially comfortable hanging out with an Indian person than with a non-Indian person. I agree with the community thing and my choice in community to give to is not swayed by what country it is part of - just what that community is about. (I'm a confused one aren't I? :))
no, it's not at all confused. it's very clear. :) (not kidding)
There are two parts to the question of identity: One that we are aware as our deeper Self, and the other that we are aware of as our expressed self. I think in terms of both these identities. I find that basically, I assume these identities depending on their applicability. While the former is the steady-state identity, the latter is assumed for maintaining a frutiful and symbiotic relationship with the society to which I belong. In this sense, I feel a certain bonding with the country of my origin, India, and even have a very keen desire to work in some way for the country's defence services, even if not directly. If I were abroad and someone were to insult my country, I would probably not react, but I would certainly not feel exalted about such comments, even if some part of them were true. Every country has its faults, and one can never end with counting the faults of any country.
However, I find that because the expressed identity is a manufactured identity related to the ego and conditioned mind, it is one that I let go of except when transacting a particular kind of duty with respect to a relative identity. For instance, I may assume the identity of somebody's son for the purpose of taking care of my father, but deep within I know that all relationships are non-eternal, and so are relative identities.
I do feel a certain attraction to the city where I was brought up, Bangalore, and this is in spite of the fact that we have shifted residence in that city a few times. This happens at one level. At another level, my mind contemplates how, in terms of professional growth opportunities, every place is like every other. I feel that these two identities exist in all of us, and the things that drive us, such as ambition, love, drive, the ability to persevere and succeed against all odds, etc. come from an identity that is much deeper than our national or religious or other external identity. This is an identity that we can relate to all the time, but which is different for all of us. It has nothing to do with race, colour, college, religion, gender, family, nationality or political leaning. This identity supports us in most of the critical decisions that we make in life and defines our individuality. When one is aware of this identity, one does not feel disconnected from other human beings, and at the same time one feels unique without being fundamentally different. What work we do, which religion we follow, which language we speak etc. has a lot to do with our invisible karmic connections, which are really patterns of consciousness. Each individual pattern is different, and so each expressed identity is different. Similarly, so is each deeper identity different.
I find it very strange when I hear a woman say something to the effect that you have to understand the mind of a woman to understand a certain viewpoint. I mean, the very thought of identifying oneself as a woman and hence being privy to a particular kind of thought is a very limiting viewpoint, in my opinion. Stereotypes reduce effort in estimating personalities, but they contain too much abstraction of data, and are often complete nonsense. I for one, do not let my identity as a male member of the species determine what patterns of thought are allowable for me and what are not. I similarly do not like viewpoints being categorised as being in the exclusive domain of men or women, or American or Indian, etc. I am proud of the fact that I come from a country with a rich spiritual heritage, such as India. However, I believe that this knowledge is universal and scoff at arguments that imply that the Hindus are somehow more privileged than others in terms of possibility of spiritual growth. The knowledge comes from my country, but a Westerner may use the same knowledge to become far more evolved spiritually than me, and I find that perfectly possible and acceptable. I think all exclusivist arguments are essentially bullshit, and I reject any such notion coming from any identification, whether in terms of gender, race, religion, financial status or nationality. The only differentiators that I do respect in terms of identity are education and spiritual leaning - I think these are factors that truly differentiate people because they alter the very nature of your basic awareness, which is a part of your deeper identity. These are the only human differentiators that I truly respect - all other differentiators are trash to me.
thanks for sharing, Dev. I agree with many of the things you have said such as there being two levels of identity. (There could be multiple too).
Also living in a country outside one's birth place spurs off some of these questions in a very strong way...
Post a Comment